The Flipside of A Creative Life

 "The fullness of life comes from an identity on giving and joy." ~ Mary Pipher

Everyday we awaken to a new slate - a chance to rewrite our story. With the seasons of change, we either find ourselves immersed in the throes of love and laughter, or the pain and regrets of our past.

If anything that the loss of my daughter has taught me, is that life can flip in an instant! I went from being a loving mother of the most unique, beautiful creative soul in my only child- to a Vilomah- the Sanskirt word for "a parent, whose child has died."

Throughout my ten years of sharing posts on my blogs, I've given my readers a genuine insight to my grief journey.

Days where my bereavement felt as if it would consume me whole- to times of beautiful releases- in the Heart 💖 Pebble Movement I created- to honour my daughter's passion for rockhounding.
Recently, I have been sharing more about my beloved babygirl. Without realizing it, the grief that is forever etched upon my heart, began to re-surface and I was triggered. Before I knew it, a wave of emotions and swells of tears began to pour forth.
Often, our souls that harbour our heartache, reminds us that we are only human- perfectly flawed and overfilled with emotions that can arise at any given time.

During the time spent where I am working seasonally for the summer, I've awoken to sailboats moored outside my window of the floating house, I reside in.

In my workplace, I enjoy asking visitors/ our guests, where they have sailed in from?  and where are they going to?
I am fascinated by the boating world and have held unto another book idea that dwells in the heart of those taken with the open sea.

Another wonderful encounter, was when
a customer named Holly Vivian came into the general store, to mail off some of her magnificently created postcards ❣️
I fell in love with her whimsical designs and inquired if I could get her to create a half dozen postcards, for myself.
Holly happily agreed and I shared my own personal website: 

www.tlaltondesign.com

.... for some inspiration :)

Holly is also on Instagram. 

I love other creative souls who tap into their own passions and breathe life into their destinations- whether created on pieces of paper or carved into wood- their creations come to life in the beautiful designs that are formed by their hands and vivid imaginations! 💖

In typing this, I've needed to take a day off, as I had an encounter with nature that saw my feet collide with a large protruding boulder- in the great outdoors!

As my body reminds me of my age, I am resting inside, while the sun shines all around me❣️

I continue to remind myself how in an instant the flipside of life, can occur.

A lovely local woman, has kindly offered her massage skills, in a few days when the tenderness leaves me...

Being a part of the world that seems to be in its own natural state  is such a blessing!

Today, I pre-purchased a ticket to an upcoming event, I will journey to attend.

Canadian Author and broadcaster, Grant Lawrence, will be sharing some of his brilliant stories~ collected and penned into his books.

As well, his beautifully talented wife, Jill Barber, will be performing/ singing.

Video Link: https://youtu.be/K8m6c9ON8fI

In checking out her music videos, I was enthralled by her silky smooth voice, with beautiful tones that are reminiscent of a cascading waterfall, pouring into the vast blue sea!

Where I am right now is meant to be...as I share about Sitka, I am now hearing- to my absolute delight- customers/visitors sharing they have heard of my novel, "Under the Sitka Tree."
This humbles me to a place of utmost gratitude, for keeping the 'pinky promise' to my late daughter, Shayla, has always been my intentions as her mother. 

Where I am, is a beautiful reminder that the door that was before me, I chose to open as wide as I can...to see me connect with other remarkable passionate beings, each who 

are finding ways to pursue their own lively dreams...

"Morning, I see You in the sunrise, every morning.
It's like a picture You've painted for me...
A love letter~ in the sky..."

- Chris Tomlin 'Nobody Loves Me Like You do.'

By TL Alton

 

My Fantasy Island

Hearing a floatplane, take off on the ocean blue, outside my window in the floating house I am staying in...is something so amazing and surreal, my eyes affix to the beautiful vision, before me! ~ TL Alton

Everyday I awaken, I feel as if I am living a dream and in many phenomenal ways I truly am!

Over a month ago, I answered a work ad that were looking for good reliable, friendly people to work as a team, in their remote general store.
When I say remote...it took me over half a day of driving,  a freight delivery truck, a skiff loaded with my belongings and three ferries to get here!

For I am blessed now, to be part of working within a fabulous team of others, serving a remote community of locals and boats of visitors- from all over the world!

They have come seeking peace and the pristine beauty of the area; a refuge where supplies and necessities, along with a variety of treats awaits them.

Reflecting on the past few months of constant upheaval, dealing with my stress  and health care, I have arrived into a Cove where even the birds seem to have a more inviting chipper.

As I write this, hummingbird birds are feeding off the sweetness offered in a hanging feeder, right outside my window.
Returning to the workplace, after many independent jobs, has seen me once again flourish in customer service! I love people...I love connections and I love to hear where people have sailed in from...and where they are going.

My previous work in caregiving, landscaping and as a house/pet sitter has seen me shine in a sector where nurturing is essential to me.

Not having any children or grandchildren, due to my daughter Shayla tragically passing away at 21, has left such a void in my heart and soul.
Now, as I serve a bevvy of delicious ice cream to wide-eyed children, I marvel at how I am able to extend beyond my customer service, to see the pure joy and smiles that greet me, as I scoop...and scoop 😀

Those that know me, also know I am an 'open book,' and much to my joy and gratefulness, my team leaders/ bosses have welcomed me sharing about my first novel I've written: "Under the Sitka Tree"

www.tlaltondesign.com

To my absolute delight, I've had many of a visitor share how a loved one or a friend they know, have lived in Ocean Falls, BC.
This is the small, once thriving community, which inspired the setting of my book.

As I have just completed five days of working in a wonderful general store and the most recently celebrated 50 years of Refuge Cove being established, I am in awe of all they offer and the fabulous services provided such as fuel, showers, laundry, food/supplies and a postal service!

On my first day off, I set out to do my part in keeping my newly shared space clean, as I am a person who does not get along well...with alot of germs.
This all said, when I arrived here, the floating house was wonderfully beyond my expectations! Freshly painted and outfitted with three bedrooms, an open kitchen/living room space and a bathroom...the old Atco trailer I once shared (working in the Provincial Parks) with a multitude of  characters...seems far more 'rustic' than my current, beautiful seasonal residence!
In bringing over what seemed like 'everything, but the kitchen sink'...today I re-aquainted myself with my Mr.Clean, Lysol and sanitizer spray...scrubbing every surface until sparkling ✨️ 😊
I made sure to keep open the many windows, to allow the brackish sea, to settle within the home, I share with a fellow co-worker :)

During my two days off, I plan to dive into my new book, which seems perfectly suited for my environment...

As I finish typing this, I think of the five, glorious days I spent on a magnificent acreage in Mission, BC, prior to me starting my job. 
At the owners/hosts beautiful 1904 place of residence,  I was treated to homemade meals, endless stories, and a fantastic array of song and guitar playing! A lovely chocolate lab named Cocoa, playfully brought me her frisbee to toss.

One of my first nights spent in the sprawling farm/ countryside, saw me sit in my camping chair, gazing up at the blanket of shimmering stardust that enveloped me!

In the past month up until now, I have found my self-worth again, a purpose in returning to serving others and a pure joy in making some amazing connections!

In serving up some ice cream, a visitor asked about my journey and I replied...
"I live a Nomad life."
Shortly after, another visitor named Chris  came back and inquired what it is like to live how I do?

To me...I am a constant traveler; a believer and empathetic soul...an explorer and vivid storyteller...one who is now both embracing this beautiful chapter of my life and finding my worth among people who are also 'living the dream.'

By TL Alton 

Walk Away...

 

I've seen people holding onto nothing...

Broken dreams and broken chords

Running on empty, losing sleep

It's true...I've earned these cracks upon my feet...

Walk away from all that you know 

Walk away and hold your own...

And I've seen people holding onto something

Smiling, with no place to call Home...

In you, I see something so familiar 

My dear friend, so nice to have you home...

And this all seems unreal

Just how far we've come

Look in the mirror

Not sure who I was...

Walk away from all that you know

Walk away and hold your own... 

When you bow your head and wonder...

Tell me now, will it all become real?

Fill me in as I sometimes sit and wonder

Wonder how you may ever find your feet? 

Walk away...

~ Xavier Rudd 

"WALK AWAY" 

VIDEO LINK YOUTUBE: 

https://youtu.be/7GQvdgT6Eh0

Next Chapter...PLEASE!

I have travelled many a mile, in order to return to the one place I am at home within...the pounding surf fills me with the brackish sea and I feel my heart is complete. ~ TL Alton

There is no place I'd rather be than feet covered with the wet sand, caressed by the waves of the ocean.

In the past six months of uprooting myself, I have dealt with my health, faced my fears and stood my ground on many things.

If I am to be honest, I've back slid in areas connected to my past and found myself surrounded by the shadows, while I desperately fought to hold onto the threads of my spirituality.

When I walked back into places I had already been pulled out of... I was reminded that No matter what I've done that Nothing can separate me from the redeeming love of God!

For He is for me...not against me!

Along my journey, I've always carried in my back pack a tattered, stained piece of paper, I was blessed to receive years ago - back in Port Alberni.

A complete stranger walked up to me with the most beautiful smile and said: "Here, this is for you."

Over time, I have sat in the quietness of my car at night and wept upon this piece of paper, filled with God's words.

I have took it out in my tent, when I could not sleep and held it in my trembling hands.
When I have revisited my sordid past, and things seem too overwhelming, I have recited out loud the words on a page that is much like me- worn...
Yet the fire that burns within...is stronger and I find myself fighting for that little girl who yearned for the proper love of her earthly father.

To be held in caring arms and told I am a daughter worthy of the Heavenly Father's love.

My next chapter has come about only because I never gave up on myself...that the words of Psalm 147:3 are something that has a stronghold in my life!

When I trust in the Lord to lead the way with all my heart...I am NEVER disappointed!

I am embracing all of the new beginnings about to take place...
Knowing that when I have been brokenhearted, God's always been there with me...all along.

Taking a line from P!NK...I need the Courage to change...in order to reveal the strength within me. Most of all...I need to continue my daily prayers for myself and others who need them...

Recently, I had an outpouring of references given on my behalf, for an amazing and brilliant opportunity.

As I sat there reading the kind, compassionate words from others describing me, I felt the tears of Joy release...for I am my harshest critic and often do not give myself enough credit, for all I have endured....and...Survived!

As I pack up my things, once again on the move...this time  I carry those meaningful passages from dearest friends and former employers and I let them settle deep within the cracks that need to be filled up with light 💖✨️

They are my 'travelling companions,' on the next adventure that will see me rejoicing and relishing my new surroundings!

For when I delight in the Lord, he provides the real desires of my heart!

By TL Alton  ❤️

She Use to be Mine…

 

She Use to be Mine…

Song by Sara Bareilles

Lyrics:

It's not simple to say

Most days I don't recognize me

These shoes and this apron

That place and its patrons

Have taken more than I gave 'em...

It's not easy to know

I'm not anything like I used to be

Although it's true

I was never attention sweet center

I still remember that girl

She's imperfect but she tries

She is good but she lies

She is hard on herself

She is broken and won't ask for help

She is messy but she's kind

She is lonely most of the time

She is all of this mixed up

And baked in a beautiful pie...

She is gone but she used to be mine

It's not what I asked for

Sometimes life just slips in through a back door…

And carves out a person

And makes you believe it's all true

And now I've got you

And you're not what I asked for

If I'm honest I know I would give it all back

For a chance to start over

And rewrite an ending or two

For the girl that I knew

Who be reckless just enough

Who can hurt but…

Who learns how to toughen up when she's bruised

And gets used by a man… who can't love…

And then she'll get stuck and be scared

Of the life that's inside her

Growing stronger each day

'Til it finally reminds her

To fight just a little...

To bring back the fire in her eyes

That's been gone but it used to be mine...

She is messy but she's kind

She is lonely most of the time

She is all of this mixed up and baked in a beautiful pie

She is gone but she used to be mine…

 

Powerful Video Link to song "She Use to be Mine...":

https://youtu.be/53GIADHxVzM

Only with...

 

Writers...

 

Enough

 

NEVER SURRENDER

 

There’s a line from the movie, “Redeeming Love,” where the character Michael says to Angel:

“You didn’t choose the life you had…but you CAN choose the life you want.”

We ALL have to make that choice.

Growing up, without a proper father figure- having a distorted view of what role men would play in my life- saw me chase after a forbidden cycle of seeking love, all in the wrong places.

Time after time, I found myself going back to a place where I no longer had a right to be!

I risked my own soul, imprisoning myself into a box, where I struggled to break free out of.

I rejected any aspect of real love, in favour of the abusive kind that I had entangled myself in, since a little girl.

Pushing those away, who were genuinely caring, I clung to those that stripped me of my dignity, staining my darkened soul, with their own convoluted needs.

In writing this post, it is to take responsibility for my role, in walking myself into invisible cells… that I gave the trusted key to those, who had their own bandaged wounds, leak into mine.

At times, the guilt I have carried, has threatened to consume me with its shame.

I now understand, I have been grieving the loss of innocence, the childhood stolen from me and the little girl who was subject to horrendous role playing...only an adult should have known.

I could see the fragments of my brokenness- a reflection in the waters, I was so desperate to cleanse myself of!

Then, God blessed me with something so precious…that I was given a second chance in the life of my beloved daughter.

I would strive to protect her from the ‘monsters in the closet,’ and yet…years later, reading through the 29 journals Shayla left behind…I realized I had at times, failed her just as I had been let down.

Did I love my child beyond measure? Of course! Did I try to never surrender to my own past demons, in order to make good on my promise to love and protect her….most certainly!

Yet, as I look back at particular moments in my past, I can see where I failed my daughter miserably- and own self, in the end.

This is why my own personal, spiritual relationship with my Heavenly Father, has never been an easy one! For most of my life, I never saw myself worthy of being held by God’s loving embrace. For I simply did not know that throughout my own existence.

Then, as I escaped yet another toxic situation with a man (Colin), bent on my destruction- I realized the role I have sought so hard after- has always been there! I have a Father God, who knows the immeasurable loss of his son, Jesus and the ultimate suffering he was put through…for my sins, for the world’s transgressions.

Since my displacement last December, it now has been ½ a year I have lived- without a proper home…I have needed to dissect the broken parts of my life and see where it is that I went ‘off the rails’ and trusted the wrong person to be a part of my life.

I have also needed to acknowledge the harsh truth in that I have never felt wanted, loved or fully accepted by a man.

How could I look up in my prayers to the Lord, when I looked down so ruthlessly on my own self?

Although I wanted to be free of repeating such viscous cycles…I also yearned to be wholly loved for who I am.

What came as a surprise, was the pure love I have always sought hard after…was literally already mine!

I exist, not to be an object of lust or to fulfill someone else’s needs….NO! I exist to fulfill the purpose that God has for me.

I was also blessed with the joy of being part of something bigger than me; a role that would see my words used for healing, forgiveness and release in a pure way…in the writing of my novel: “Under the Sitka Tree.” (UTST)

Having no real sense of roots, Sitka gave me a community of people that I consider ‘family.’

For every character, reflects on someone I either have known or are a part of my present life.

Ospero Falls, was created out of love, a place where HOPE thrives, and people look out for one another.

It is my safe haven. A place where the seeds of healing have taken form and among the characters in my storyline… I EXIST.

I give thanks…Praises to a God that never left my side, nor gave up on me!

I did not have to ‘win him over’ or offer parts of me that I felt were a bargaining tool.

My faith has come with ‘no strings attached.’

It is a place of Unconditional love, patience and dignity that has been restored through the blood of the Saviour, Jesus Christ.

My sobering moment of understanding my self-worth, has come only after much suffering, sorrow and loss…all things the Lord knows well.

Recently, my formatter Leon Oldale, from Oldale Publishing worked ‘along-side’ me in going through UTST and making any revisions necessary, in order to speak the language I have always intended too.

In doing so, I came to understand how my faith has always guided me- from the darkness- into the LIGHT, with a story that is etched upon my fragile heart.

Another source of inspiration has come from Canadian Poet/author, Rupi Kaur, whose book “Homebody,” is a declaration to my soul. Her boldness to write of things unspeakable, is a testimony, to her own personal story of overcoming and resilience. 

As one season has closed and another one beginning, I continue to explore the many intricate and complex parts of my life…knowing that the shame has now shifted and replaced with an understanding that I AM WORTHY of LOVE!

God’s Love has always been engrained with me; I simply needed to reconnect with the core of the little girl, who was so eager for love… she was blinded by the distorted versions of it!

 

By TL Alton

Try Losing One...

 If I had a dime for everytime I've had a man say to me..."I will never put you thru the Hell the last guy put you through..." 💔💦 

I'd probably have a place to call home.

In my life, I have met so many woman, who have devalued themselves, lost their identity as a woman and given into paths of placing themselves in violent, narcissistic relationships that I could actually form my own tribe! 

At the very top, would be a leader whose own scars on the inside,would cover me whole on the outside...

I've spent most of my life processing my latest mistakes that when I'm knelt in prayers, I ask God to reveal my purpose. 

Then...I will have a day like today that stands out so clear as to what defines me, I can't help but feel my heart shine unto others! 

The most beautiful aspect of our journeys is that we get to climb into the 'raft of our lives', and ride the wild waters...until that day when we do not return.

For me, I have packed more adventures, loved the hardest my heart could give to another and learn time and time again...the power of forgiveness. 

Recently, a dear friend sent me a wonderful photo notecard and an important reminder that there is absolutely NOTHING I can do, which would separate me from God's LOVE ❤ 

So, as I let go of my fears, nursing the wounds that are slowly healing, I embrace Philippians 4:6~7 with all I have left to give. 

Tonight, I heard a song that was so specific and relatable to me...I thought he penned the lyrics knowing what I've not only experienced...but also Survived!

This is for those who have had the rare opportunity to find a woman of faith, loyalty and strength...

"TRY LOSING ONE..." 

~ Tyler Braden

https://youtu.be/WVi93FwdOAc

In speaking with a someone today, on the phone, who has been helping me sort thru the messes of my life...they said this: 

"Tomorrow, we get a new page- a new chapter and while it is unwritten for us today...

makes new way for our fresh tomorrow's!"

For every man out there who has 'lost forever' that one remarkable woman who shone in their lives... stood by them, and gave everything she ever had... this ones for you...💟 

By TL Alton 

Love and Immeasurable Loss in TEXAS

 

We can never makes sense or come to terms of acceptance, when a child dies...especially in such an evil, unfathomable way! 

Source: President Joe Biden 

I cannot comprehend the unexpected tragic losses of innocent, little children, their lives ending on the soil of an Elementary school! 

My heart is broken for their unimaginable losses and my hands are folded in prayers. 

There will never be justice, closure and a chance to understand what truly happened that horrific day! 

From my heart to all of Texas, I send my LOVE❤....

By TL Alton 

The Lessons We Carry

Where I am at right in this moment truly shines on the darkness of the shadows that follow me. 

I am letting the days unravel... settling into a place of unrest within. 

Surrounded by light, I breathe in through the cracks, seeking peace, shelter and better health and wellness. 

The following words are of great comfort as I process all that has unfolded in such a short matter of time. 

From the confines of my vehicle, as the neon sign flashes "All Are Welcome," my tired eyes hold the words and let them settle unto my weary heart. 

Recently, I removed my last two blog posts about Colin Newell, not because I was asked to or forced to do so...I did it as my point had been made very clear...that it does not require much too overtake a person's life...I KNOW... as it happened to me. 

At a previous place of shelter...I was greeted by the opposite sense of disconnection. A beautiful sanctuary, where the poster on the wall spoke volumes: 

I am reminded of the little four year old girl, who had no idea that over three decades,  she would endure  abuse, trauma and loss that were coming her way.

In my reflecting... every mistake I've ever made has been clearly written upon the wall...of my biggest regrets. 

Today, was no exception.  

As the heaviness of the anniversary of the grim and tragic discovery of unmarked graves- peppered with the scattered bones of Indigenous children- reminds us... as a country we are stained with the wounds, which flow from those, who had so much taken from them.  

As a nation, we need to come together collectively and unite with those, whose children's cries rises from the scorched earth... trodden on by the feet of those whose vows are now ripped apart by the ugly, tragic, truth of residential school abuse. 

To this day, much like the holocaust, there are those who deny these deadly secrets our world has harbored- ever happened! 

Yet, I've looked into the dark pools of emptiness that echoes generations of pain, mistrust and horrid abuse... among those scarred... generations later. 

Today, was also a painful reminder of those who deny the sufferings placed upon myself, growing up. 

Those who cannot fathom my journey, nor would have endured such misery. 

It is then I fold my hands in prayers, as I Am a child of God, who is reminded the Lord's heart breaks over these hortible things, which have taken place.

At 51 years of age, it is no longer my  responsibility to convince others of the hellfire I have walked through.

What is important... is that I acknowledge I sometimes miss the mark myself in understanding the mishapen paths of others. 

I get so wound up in my own heartache and sorrow that I sometimes forget,  others are also suffering.

Over the years, writing my endless posts and investigative articles, I've been given an insight to the darker side of things and the life lessons, it has taught me. 

 

So, as the golden arches near me, are a reminder of all those served...

I pause to reflect on the

 challenges of our fallen world and those

 residing in it...including me. 

By TL Alton 

 

 

My Deepest Love, for Ukraine

 

My heart is shattered, much like a basket of pysanky, fallen to the ground

The missiles, are wiping out future generations, of those whose lips have been silenced

As convoys carrying death, are streamlined across the world…

I am numb.

                           Frozen by images that embody the spirit of loss, spilling forth onto the daily news

I am deafened- by the unimaginable horror of a one-sided war- consumed by greed

5, 514 miles separates me from the two choices those families have to make…

Cages or Wings?

 

I ponder with sarcasm… how in only travelling 3, 212 miles…

I could be in the ‘Happiest place on earth’...

                               Yet, there is no joy found in bunkers, air sirens and in the loss of thousands of innocent lives…

As the droves of the true walking dead march onward toward hope

My connection to their world is lit up with carnage, sorrow and battle

These are the only options that now bleed into my social media

For them… surrender to the white, blue and red or trade in their lives for their wings?

I look at the cracked egg in my trembling hand and say a prayer, as I step forward

With my deepest love and support, along with others,…for Ukraine. 💞🌻🌻🌻

 

By Tonya Hancheruk 

Dancing Among the Stars

 

“There has not ever been a time when I have been lacking the material for a post. For the threads of humankind , always find their way of weaving into my soul, their beautiful purpose.” ~ TL Alton

In all of my posts, I always feel my daughter’s birthday, the one where I take the time, to sort through quotes, pictures and memories connected to the day Shayla was born. For this special day, when she arrived into the world, saw precious moments unfold… over the next 21 years of her life.

While everyday I miss her, the day Shayla Rae Dawn, came into this world at 10 pounds, 10 ounces and 2 feet long, the heavens parted and she was blessed with many things, I am sharing here.

The top image of Shayla, on my 2^nd wedding day. She was such a beautiful Flower girl. 

When I think back, I close my eyes and re-imagine it was her wedding day- to her one true love - long before 2011.

Shayla’s namesake was something that connected her to the world of the Fairies~  the Irish Gaelic version means  “fairy palace.”

One of her favourite places to go to, was at a park that had a Fairy forest. Many times we went there, whenever she came to visit.

Shayla also had a wonderful sense of humour. Whenever something made her laugh, her face grew rosy, and a deep laughter grew from the tip of her toes. If she posed, it was likely to be some funny expression or doing something that would make others burst into laughter.

Wearing funny nose glasses at a bus stop, a bus pulled up and the driver was in stitches over Shayla's 'disguise.'

At a Nature Park, Shayla got stuck in the turtle shell. 

I have recalled and written about a note I found, after she passed away.

It was in reference to a dessert that I would make annually for Thanksgiving or Christmas. I always assumed Shayla loved it, as she would often ask for seconds.

In discovering her note, I realized the reality as she had written:

Mom, remember that Bisquick pumpkin pie dessert you made us for the holidays…well, I would go in the backyard and bury the second helpings and I burned the recipe card so you wouldn’t make it again…so Nah, I didn’t like it, but didn’t want to hurt your feelings. 😊

The other passion in my daughter’s life…was dance!

Shayla spent seven years immersed in the world of dance and between her laughter and silliness, the girl was born to dance!

It brought me much joy when she would have her performances and I was able to see how she lit up the dance, with hip-hop, lyrical, jazz and even ballet.

While I have many DVD’s of her past recitals, I no longer have the means to play them and right now, I would love to see my daughter ‘in motion.’

February 24^th, would have been Shayla’s 32^nd birthday.

I miss seeing her blow out her candles, open her gifts and turn to me with the biggest smile .

While I was gathering things for this post, I was reminded of “Pink Shirt Day.” The annual awareness for showing support of those who have been bullied. Sadly, Shayla spent most of her years at the torment of those who caused her to devote an entire black covered journal. Reading her words of heartache, sorrow and anguish, I have a better, more painful understanding of what she endured…and still smiled.

Pink Shirt Day 2022 

The other day, I found a display in a store that also reminded me of my ‘pinky promise’ to my dearly missed daughter- the one linked to my novel.

I painted my own nails and thought about the perfect timing.

This past week, I read of another person’s passing, whose music, smile and lovely persona, was an inspiration to the world.

Her name was Jane Marczewski. She was a free-spirit, a talented singer and a beautiful soul who died at 31, from breast cancer.

Nightbirde

Gracing the stage of America’s Got Talent, people’s lives were deeply touched by her heartfelt journey, as she battled her cancer while still writing and preforming songs, with the name Nightbirde.

Her spiritual relationship, was something I also connected with.

Source: Instagram

Nightbirde wasn’t afraid to speak her mind and she had such a magnificent shine that saw her glow.

In sharing the song she penned, “It’s Okay,” I feel as if she had met my heart full of love.

Golden Buzzer: Nightbirde's Original Song Makes Simon Cowell Emotional - America's Got Talent 2021

https://youtu.be/CZJvBfoHDk0

 Tomorrow, I have special plans. Turns out the temporary shelter I am at, is having their annual inspection. I need to be gone from 10am- 5pm. I have thought about where it is I will go or what I should do?

Then some place which holds special memories. While its not a place of fairies ( I don’t think so), it has wonderful qualities of another place, where (Tonya) mother and daughter,(Shayla) use to stroll.  

Every year, since Shayla passed, I have still bought a birthday card- one that I would have given her. I fill it with my personal sentiments, then place it at amazing locations throughout our world. 

A kind of release that helps a little... on a rather emotional day. 

This February 24th will be no different. 

Although it will be a quiet day- without the celebration of 32 years- I can look back and treasure what we were able to share… in such a short amount of time.

I think back to years ago when I was in Maui. I was brought to the perfect location, in the Pacific ocean, to spread my daughter’s ashes.

Tomorrow, I will reconnect with another special spot, where memories have been made.

The one where I told my daughter, she would always have my heart as her mother. As I kneel by the water’s edge, I will close my eyes. Once again, I will imagine Nightbirde’s angelic voice singing It’s Okay, while Shayla’s performing, a lyrical dance and I will think of those within our family , who have passed away- aunties, uncles, mothers and fathers, grandparents, friends and also my nephew, Matthew.

Everyone will be shining their beautiful smiles, as Matt's stardust, along with theirs, is cast across the heavens…for ALL to see them dancing ... among the stars. 

 

By TL Alton