TRUTH~ Dial it in!

 

Your Perception – May Not be my Reality. ~ William Shakespeare

Over thirty years ago, I was misdiagnosed with an illness that saw me faithfully take a multitude of medications- that I did not need.

At the time, my family Doctor was perplexed at what was causing my health issues and I was treated with various medications- to the degree of an excess amount. At one point, I was prescribed OxyContin, yet thankfully I had the foresight not to fill that prescription.

For those who may not know, OxyContin is a highly addictive, dangerous Opioid, which can lead to a potential, fatal overdose.

Opioids are powerful drugs intended to treat serious afflictions. Chronic pain changes the way people live their lives and a prescription to a drug like OxyContin can give them a more normal life. The issue is that in the past 20+ years, OxyContin has been over-prescribed and over-sold as a low risk Opioid. The risks of OxyContin were downplayed as much as possible in order for the new drug to play well on the market. Source: addictioncenter.com

Thankfully, a change in doctors saw me be taken off the regiment of  my other daily medications and soon followed a diagnosis of Bipolar.

As a patient, I was assessed three times, as not one specialist could agree with the other that I actually suffered from this mental disorder.

Seeking answers and wanting to be an accommodating patient, I willfully began taking three new medications that would affect my nervous system.

Lithium can cause adverse effects in the central and peripheral nervous system, even at standard therapeutic serum lithium levels.

When my 21 year old daughter tragically passed away in a car crash before Christmas 2011, my medications remained the same, even though another doctor had prescribed another drug. Due to my research and diligence, I discovered this prescription had the ill side effects of the following:

‘Hallucinations, paranoia, suicidal thoughts and insomnia.”

Now, this was a powerful drug that was to be taken by myself~ a grieving mother, whose only child had just died!

Again, I refused such a medication that would seriously interfere with the bereavement process.

In doing so, the natural state of grieving was allowed to run its course through the 7 stages of loss:

Shock. Feelings of shock are unavoidable in nearly every situation, even if we feel we have had time to prepare for the loss of a loved one. ...

Denial. ...

Anger. ...

Bargaining. ...

Depression. ...

Acceptance and hope. ...

Processing grief.

It has been ten years now since my beloved daughter, Shayla Rae Dawn passed and one thing that remains the glaring TRUTH- A parent never gets over the death of their child(ren).

This year, I could have not predicted a chain of events that would lead to the realization that I had been misdiagnosed, for over thirty years, taking medications that affected my weight, my health and my wellness.

This past spring, I sought out treatment for what I assumed was an urinary tract infection. Due to the backlog of the pandemic, doctors and nurses were in high demand. I found myself at, a Urgent Care Medical Facility. They handle the excess of patients needing medical care in a short-term environment. I was not seen by a doctor, rather a nurse, who proceeded to give me four, extra-strength Advil®- in a small, medicine cup.

As a mental health advocate for over twenty years and someone who has sat on a Mental health Consumer Council, plus taught the B.R.I.D.G.E.S course to others living with various mental health illness, I also drew my knowledge from the years of research I had done on my medical condition and how best to successfully live and manage a mental disorder. When this nurse handed me the four extra-strength Advil, I simply remarked:

Are you sure these Advil®, won’t have a toxic interaction, with the Lithium I have been taking for many years?

Clearly the look on her face expressed how she was not at all happy with me questioning her and tersely replied, “I am a nurse and know better than you do!”

Therefore, in front of her, I took my bottle of water and swallowed all four of the Advil® (ibuprofen).

This would prove to be an almost fatal mistake on my part!

Research shows: Nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs such as ibuprofen may significantly increase the blood levels of lithium in some patients and cause lithium intoxication, which is potentially life-threatening and may require hospitalization.

As I relay this story, another important factor was that due to two previous job losses-because of the pandemic- on December 1^st, 2021, I became displaced - when I no longer had any income and needed to move out of my suite and into my small, Nissan Micra car.

While seeking other means of assistance, a dear friend of mine, was the one who kept me from dying in my car. Since I was a single woman- without any addictions or dependants- I did not qualify to stay in a shelter. To show how cold it was in my cramped vehicle, a can of soda in the seat of my car, split the aluminum can in two- from the minus, freezing, bitter, winter weather!

My friend Terry, who I met in church, many years ago... secured a hotel room for me, for a lengthy period of time.

Despite me having two vaccinations and a booster (last summer, I had surgery to fix a hole in my heart and now wear a GORE device on my heart), I still managed to be stricken with a bad bout of the Coronavirus Omicron! I was gravely ill and had it not been for my dearest friend Terry, securing me shelter, I would have certainly perished in my car!

Moving forward, after taking the four extra-strength Advil® administered by a local nurse, she also encouraged me to take more... when the pain became too much to deal with.

Therefore, I was increasing my dosages- to the point- where I became severely dehydrated, and a myriad of symptoms/side effects began to present themselves:

When combined with lithium, NSAIDs can increase lithium levels in the blood resulting in an increased risk for serious adverse effects like confusion, tremor, slurred speech, and vomiting. Examples of non-prescription NSAIDs include: Ibuprofen (Advil® or Motrin®)

I reached out to my friend Terry, as I grew concerned as to what was going on with me?

At the time, I had been at a hotel for one night only and had pre-booked a local Airbnb for myself.

Another set of circumstances, would see me in the hospital- fighting for my life!

In my state of delirium, I was misguided into thinking driving to the local Shoppers Drug Mart for more liquids such as bottled water, pop and juices to quench my severe dehydration was a good idea!

Once I was at a nearby location of the drugstore, I walked up to the till.

I explained my dire need for beverages and the four extra-strength Advil® I had been given.

The head Pharmacist, a young lady, took one look at me and said:

“Ma’am, I am going to have to call you an ambulance.”

I was in shock, as I had just checked into the Airbnb and my car was packed full of my belongings!

I address in another previous blog, the instant assistance I received both from Shopper’s Drug Mart and the Buy- Low Foods, where my car would remain, while I was rushed by ambulance to the local hospital.

Had it not been for the quick thinking Pharmacist, who had also asked about what other medications I was taking? Again- I know- I would not be here to type this post!

Once I was hospitalized and series of tests and bloodwork ran on me,  the doctor on call,  came dashing in- clearly flustered as he proclaimed:

“You are suffering from lithium toxicity and your kidneys and liver are under attack! You are only at a 9% functioning rate!”

The immediate response was to quit administering all of my medications- at once!

I was left alone, in a hospital bed, where for days I endured severe withdrawals- vomiting, I had diarrhea, cramping, body tremors and was sweating all over! I had hallucinations and severe headaches, plus was dizzy all of the time!

It was only much later, when I discovered to my absolute dismay that a patient on Lithium should go through the withdrawal process gradually over several months- not in a few days!

It's best to reduce your dose gradually. Stopping medications suddenly (going cold turkey) can make withdrawal symptoms worse, and for some medications can be dangerous. It's important to get more medication in advance so that you don't have to stop suddenly. Source: mind.org.uk

After a week of hospitalization, I was seen by a doctor, a psychiatrist and several Social workers.

I was shocked when I was being told that neither of them thought I was Bipolar and there was the possibility... that I had been misdiagnosed!

Combining the Advil®  (Ibuprofen) with the Lithium, I had been prescribed and faithfully taking for over thirty years, almost proved to be a near fatal experience!

At one point, during my hospital stay, a chaplain came in- to pray for me- should anything happen.

Upon my leaving the hospital and wanting to carry on with my life, I had been struggling with my (mis)diagnosis of my Bipolar.

The very last chat with my family Doctor, he suggested a complete reassessment of my mental health and wellness.

It bothered me a great deal that I had been stuck with a label that sees the stigmatization of individuals happen within society- especially in the workplace. 

Now, there is no doubt I have dealt with depression and anxiety before, yet to be given medications your body does not need, can cause serious health issues. 

In keeping a journal for many years, I can see myself wading into a miry pit of lows and times of anxious thoughts, which kept me believing that I did actually have Bipolar.

This all said, being a mental health advocate for over 30 years, having taught mental health and wellness courses, touring with the BC Schizophrenia society and speaking to LPN's, nurses, human service workers, plus having several friends with concrete diagnosis...

I've been talking to God, praying, researching and I think at my lowest point in the hospital, when my kidneys and liver were only functioning at 9%... as I thrust my arms to the heavens, tears streaming down my face...I cried out to Jesus...

Take this pain and misery from me Lord!

I honestly believe he did!

Once back on my feet again and getting accustomed to no longer taking a blister pack of medications, I began re-assessing, certain aspects of my life.

Especially when it came to the book I had written so candidly about and my Bipolar journey, along with the connection to my daughter and my creativity.

So then, since the 4th polished version of my book Under the Sitka Tree, had been updated and released on Amazon, I contacted my publisher and requested that Bipolar be stricken from the book, both inside and out (on the back cover).

My wise Publisher, Leon Oldale, suggested I rest overnight on it, but he would do whatever I requested~ with regards to any references of me having Bipolar.

The next morning I awoke, and prayed over what was placed upon my heart...

The following is what I felt God would say to me about the whole matter…

My dear child, you have lived most of your life in a chaotic manner. When you were enduring all of the abuse you suffered, I was there holding on to you, wiping every single tear you cried.

When at 31, the madness placed upon you by the enemy was too much, you wanted nothing more than the ‘pain’ to leave you…

You know what transpired that night I fought so hard for you…

I saved you...so you could go on 'saving' others. You were given this diagnosis because it was something you would then learn from, acquire knowledge and find mercy, love and grace in helping others who too suffered.

You taught courses, devoted many years to those in need, you became closer to your daughter and wrote a poignant story that was published. Shayla was so proud of you. You were able to be a beacon of hope to those (like some of your friends) who were struggling as well.

To strike from your book, the disorder I had you live with, is to deny the healing I brought you through.

I am your loving father, who at just the right time in your life, has lifted that disorder from you... but not what all you have gained...because of it.

Accept that you have been blessed to be healed. Just as you lived your entire life, not knowing you had a hole in your heart, embrace the truth, the way and the life.

Do not turn your back on something I had you endure and learn from...go out and share, be humbled by all that I brought you through. Grow from everything you were blessed with, because of the diagnosis; rather than deny how it formed you into who you are.

I am your loving father who will continue to  offer redeeming love and guide you...

Therefore, the next email I wrote, was to my Publisher Leon Oldale and I said:

Please leave the Bipolar references- as is- for I need to acknowledge all that I have been blessed with... is because of it.

Shortly after, I listened to the following song that spoke volumes on what I was feeling inside…

"John Mayer – Say What You Need to Say…”

https://youtu.be/kz8-U8ggQNU

I could not deny that being given the (mis) diagnosis of this mental illness, has actually given me opportunities to reach out, share and want to support others, living with their own disorders.

Within my acceptance of all that has taken place, I began to understand that sometimes our lives are taken down certain roads… in order to give us life lessons that we need to endure, so as to grant us a better understanding of what ‘taking a stand’, truly means!

It was not long after… that my life would take another sudden turn, to a place where refuge was being offered…yet more endurance would be needed…

By TL Alton

NEVER SURRENDER

 

There’s a line from the movie, “Redeeming Love,” where the character Michael says to Angel:

“You didn’t choose the life you had…but you CAN choose the life you want.”

We ALL have to make that choice.

Growing up, without a proper father figure- having a distorted view of what role men would play in my life- saw me chase after a forbidden cycle of seeking love, all in the wrong places.

Time after time, I found myself going back to a place where I no longer had a right to be!

I risked my own soul, imprisoning myself into a box, where I struggled to break free out of.

I rejected any aspect of real love, in favour of the abusive kind that I had entangled myself in, since a little girl.

Pushing those away, who were genuinely caring, I clung to those that stripped me of my dignity, staining my darkened soul, with their own convoluted needs.

In writing this post, it is to take responsibility for my role, in walking myself into invisible cells… that I gave the trusted key to those, who had their own bandaged wounds, leak into mine.

At times, the guilt I have carried, has threatened to consume me with its shame.

I now understand, I have been grieving the loss of innocence, the childhood stolen from me and the little girl who was subject to horrendous role playing...only an adult should have known.

I could see the fragments of my brokenness- a reflection in the waters, I was so desperate to cleanse myself of!

Then, God blessed me with something so precious…that I was given a second chance in the life of my beloved daughter.

I would strive to protect her from the ‘monsters in the closet,’ and yet…years later, reading through the 29 journals Shayla left behind…I realized I had at times, failed her just as I had been let down.

Did I love my child beyond measure? Of course! Did I try to never surrender to my own past demons, in order to make good on my promise to love and protect her….most certainly!

Yet, as I look back at particular moments in my past, I can see where I failed my daughter miserably- and own self, in the end.

This is why my own personal, spiritual relationship with my Heavenly Father, has never been an easy one! For most of my life, I never saw myself worthy of being held by God’s loving embrace. For I simply did not know that throughout my own existence.

Then, as I escaped yet another toxic situation with a man (Colin), bent on my destruction- I realized the role I have sought so hard after- has always been there! I have a Father God, who knows the immeasurable loss of his son, Jesus and the ultimate suffering he was put through…for my sins, for the world’s transgressions.

Since my displacement last December, it now has been ½ a year I have lived- without a proper home…I have needed to dissect the broken parts of my life and see where it is that I went ‘off the rails’ and trusted the wrong person to be a part of my life.

I have also needed to acknowledge the harsh truth in that I have never felt wanted, loved or fully accepted by a man.

How could I look up in my prayers to the Lord, when I looked down so ruthlessly on my own self?

Although I wanted to be free of repeating such viscous cycles…I also yearned to be wholly loved for who I am.

What came as a surprise, was the pure love I have always sought hard after…was literally already mine!

I exist, not to be an object of lust or to fulfill someone else’s needs….NO! I exist to fulfill the purpose that God has for me.

I was also blessed with the joy of being part of something bigger than me; a role that would see my words used for healing, forgiveness and release in a pure way…in the writing of my novel: “Under the Sitka Tree.” (UTST)

Having no real sense of roots, Sitka gave me a community of people that I consider ‘family.’

For every character, reflects on someone I either have known or are a part of my present life.

Ospero Falls, was created out of love, a place where HOPE thrives, and people look out for one another.

It is my safe haven. A place where the seeds of healing have taken form and among the characters in my storyline… I EXIST.

I give thanks…Praises to a God that never left my side, nor gave up on me!

I did not have to ‘win him over’ or offer parts of me that I felt were a bargaining tool.

My faith has come with ‘no strings attached.’

It is a place of Unconditional love, patience and dignity that has been restored through the blood of the Saviour, Jesus Christ.

My sobering moment of understanding my self-worth, has come only after much suffering, sorrow and loss…all things the Lord knows well.

Recently, my formatter Leon Oldale, from Oldale Publishing worked ‘along-side’ me in going through UTST and making any revisions necessary, in order to speak the language I have always intended too.

In doing so, I came to understand how my faith has always guided me- from the darkness- into the LIGHT, with a story that is etched upon my fragile heart.

Another source of inspiration has come from Canadian Poet/author, Rupi Kaur, whose book “Homebody,” is a declaration to my soul. Her boldness to write of things unspeakable, is a testimony, to her own personal story of overcoming and resilience. 

As one season has closed and another one beginning, I continue to explore the many intricate and complex parts of my life…knowing that the shame has now shifted and replaced with an understanding that I AM WORTHY of LOVE!

God’s Love has always been engrained with me; I simply needed to reconnect with the core of the little girl, who was so eager for love… she was blinded by the distorted versions of it!

 

By TL Alton

For the LOVE of DIGNITY

 

Throughout the season of love, peace and joy -the empty vessel within me- that was void of these things, saw an abundance of each one overflow into my soul and surround me with the genuine meaning of Christmas.

When I began my third journey of displacement, it came with much shame as I uprooted myself from a place of shelter, a place to call home. While all of my benefits ended, I had not been able to keep any savings and as I dealt with more health issues, hospitalizations and struggled, it all lead to the current circumstances I find myself in.

In previous posts from 2021, I’ve shared about my mental health and also the guilt of my only child’s untimely, tragic passing. I’ve summoned the courage to speak openly of being a Survivor of a horrible assault.

Among my accomplishments, I have been able to boldly share the accomplishment of seeing my book- Under the Sitka Tree, be accepted by a Publisher (Oldale Publishing) and be available in print (Still Creek Press) and on Amazon (now in its Third edition).

This was a promise- over twenty years in the making- to be fulfilled to my late daughter, Shayla.

In August, I received surgery and was one of the blessed recipients of a GORE device, to close the hole in my heart where the previous year, I had a stroke and an aneurysm.

I am reflecting on some of the major highs and lows of 2021 as a means to loop back around to the many ‘angels’ that brought such love, joy and comfort to my weary soul.

When I left my last residence, on my own accord, on December 1^st, it was because I placed myself in my landlords shoes. I realized as I no longer had an income, it would be only a matter of time before things came to an end. If one were to look deep into the routes of my life, I will make the decision to bow out and leave- in order to avoid more pain and rejection.

Yet I feel it is necessary to clarify something…while I’ve been consumed with a lot of guilt over my daughter’s car crash and I have this internal need to self punish myself, I never have in any way or form sabotaged any benefits on purpose, to see me booted into displacement. It has been a cause and effect boomerang effect, where the ending of either WCB, Regular or Sickness benefits, along with other short term funding, has collided with the depths of poverty- I am surrounded by.

Trust me when I say, NO one would want to live out of my car- the width of a shopping cart! The toll on my health, both physical and emotional, has seen me hospitalized numerous times!

Last year’s stroke and aneurysm, is something I would not wish upon anyone!

This was how cold it was in my car...a can left overnight, exploded in a frozen state and ripped through the metal! Now imagine how a homeless person, living on the streets, feels like!
In my sharing, I want to acknowledge the endless stream of compassionate hearts; those who have come to my aid on many occasions. What I had not counted on, was the need to begin another list of gratitude, for all of the souls that would interact with mine.

For I never have any expectations of help…given this is my third time of displacement.

Yet God had his own plans, in his own time, which saw him scatter people to cross my path.

If someone offers you help; you accept it as a blessing and always be mindful to pay it forward, to someone else. 

Unless people have given me permission to use their name or mentions a place, I am only referencing certain individuals alphabetically of simply by mention of them being an angel.

The one parcel I received in the mail, came from Sharen Kish, who I owe a great deal of inspiration and information regarding Ocean Falls, BC ( the town that I based my setting on for my novel.) Sharen sent me a custom made bag that I cherish and carry with me everywhere, I go. Her caring and support, instills in me the value of giving something that has the threads of two hearts, connected together with love.

I also received the help of a couple, Lorina and Rodger, who picked up hope chest- the only furniture I own and a beloved gift from my mother to me, when I was only sixteen.

Lorina handed me a card and a box full of homemade Christmas goodies!

Another angel was someone whose world collided with mine in a large amount of love and support. This included purchasing multiple copies of my book, a much appreciated gift card and other means of giftings where as I type this, the angel reading this, knows who they are 😊

The next group of angels were from the Kal-Tire Store #688 in New Westminster, on sixth street. I needed to swap my all-seasons for my winter tires, yet I no longer had storage available. When I arrived and spoke to the Manager, I shared that they would need to simply keep my all-seasons as I was about to be displaced and my tiny storage unit, did not have room to accommodate my tires. Upon returning, I was moved to tears, when the Manager shared they would store my tires at no charge and there was no cost to swap the tires over. I stood there, humbled and in awe of such benevolence. I thanked the Manager and retreated to my vehicle; hands folded in prayer. It is in these moments that one needs to be mindful of where grace flows from. When I opened my eyes, the Manager was standing, waiting patiently at my window. I opened my driver’s door and he shared even more of their generosity. When you need your all-seasons put on, there will also be no charge! For me, I couldn’t express in words just how appreciative I was, because here were hard working staff, providers for their families and loved ones, willing to extend their compassion to me.

This was the beginning of many acts of kindness, in where I am sharing, as a means for others to understand that this is God has done, so as I could go out and pay it forward to others.

At Lynn Valley Laundromat, I had various blessings, where the owner Anudip gifted me my laundry services. She had her sweet daughter Luca, bring me a sandwich from SUBWAY and then her mother gifted me with a beautiful, thick navy blanket.

I also mention in my previous post, about LUMAGICA! I was gifted an abundance of generosity, from the organizer’s (MK Illumination) and also talented musician Clay Scott, which saw me enjoy the brilliance of this spectacular event.

For me, during this time, I began to seek out others who were in need. It is a chance to meet those with their own battle scars and are more accepting of my own personal journey.

One cold night, as I sat in the passenger seat of my car, I watched as the frost heaves upon my cracked windshield began to form. Within minutes, I marvelled at what appeared to be a cross, with a key and a light (which reminded me of a lantern), take form on my windshield. This brought me comfort and joy.

Later, when the opportunity arose to simply have an exchange about Jesus ( in such a way that exposed my flaws)…I also knew where Promise can be found, there is also a glow that comes from within.

Over the Christmas season, this exchange happened to me twice, in a profound manner. Once in Save-On Foods in North Vancouver and the other, in a McDonalds in Langley. In conversing with Sharen, we engaged in a deep conversation that spoke of the spirit and what the true beauty of Christmas is- HOPE. Before we parted, I gifted her a Tim Horton’s Gift card. Another angel dressed in red and a garland of glowing lights, made it possible for me to purchase gift cards and hand them out, to those in need.

In the other exchange I had, it was with a young Manager named Tyler at a McDonald’s location. He took a few minutes, out of his day, to speak with me. Our discussion was on the pureness of what loving and believing in Jesus has brought us both, in reassurance that we each have a bigger purpose in this life. After we had shared, I went to my car and gifted him a copy of my book. He offered to pay for it, yet the value of his words, the beautiful message he conveyed, had truly been such a gift to me.

In between the joy of many blessings received, I was hospitalized twice during the past month, as the stress has taken it’s toll on me.  

However, on the last visit, I was grateful for the dignity I received as Lions Gate Hospital. Prior to speaking with my family Doctor, Bharminder Gill, I was nervous about going to Emergency. I have high anxiety at hospitals, due to the loss of my 21 year old daughter and having to say goodbye to her at the Hospital morgue. As I have two disorders, the one that is triggered worse than the other, is my Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Dr. Gill assured me that a ‘Letter of Support’ would be sent over to the ER and upon my arrival, I was to mention it. The intake/ admittance nurses read over my letter, and I was welcomed in with compassion by Amber and Justine. After a long wait, in a busy ER, I was brought to the back to sit in a comfortable recliner. I was also given much appreciated warm, flannel blankets. The man next to me, Chris, was friendly and helpful. His wife worked at the hospital but was on maternity leave. Later, she came to visit with their two children. When his mom came, I was given a container of soup, for which I was deeply appreciative!

The attending Doctor that saw me, Dr. John MacGregon was attentive and kind to every patient he spoke with. As I was sitting in a row of patients, with only a thin curtain, I was privy to knowing this.

Returning to my small car, I was elated to hear the news that as an early Christmas gift by my mother and brother, I would spend the holidays at a local Airbnb in Langley. I stayed in the Birch Room and it was such a luxury for me to be able to stretch out my swollen legs and feet!

The area was familiar to me, as I use to live in Langley, Cloverdale and Surrey, over a ten year span. Only a few blocks away, I also wrote and worked on my novel, in an award -winning Japanese Gardens- Thyme on 43^rd.

The area holds many wonderful memories of walks we use to take, when Shayla would come and visit. One of my favourite places to stop in, was Cedarbrook Bakery, which I found still there, and I treated myself to some favourite holiday delights.

My warmest welcome happened when I arrived at the place I was staying. The Holiday hosts, Sam and Dalia treated me wonderfully, as a guest and since there was another person staying from Germany, we had wonderful conversations about all topics- politics, religion, children, bereavement and even peanut butter pie! I found a lot of similarities between Dalia and I, including our love for The Colophone Café in Bellingham, WA.

The Colophon Cafe has offered casual, healthful dining in the heart of the historic Fairhaven district since 1985

There is a connection to my daughter in all of this, as when she was a teenager, many of a trip was made to Bellingham and area, including our favourite café that served the most delicious Peanut Butter Pie!

I would later acquire the recipe from Dalia, who shared with me the yummy treat from Epicurious.

In our conversation, I also explained how Shayla and I loved to go visit Pike Place Market and there was an old ‘fortune-telling’ machine with the magic of Zoltar. We would burst into laughter reading our fortunes and then head over to Daily Dozen Doughnut Co. The fondest memories I have of these random road trips to the USA.

On one of my short trips to the store, I saw from afar, an array of Jones cream soda’s. As I approached, I was excited to see on the label, the ZOLTAR image from Pike Place, where we would visit for our ‘fortunes’. This made me smile in one of those special ways of connection from my heart to the heavens.

Another connection I discovered was the artistic abilities we both shared- me with my writing and Dalia, with an exceptional artistic eye for design, colour and skills! When she showed me an outfit she had handcrafted for Comic- Con, that had her hand glue on a gazillion sequins, her patience and abilities astounded me! In showing me her extraordinary designs, I absolutely loved a mini purse design with glittery wings on one side and galaxy wings on the other! Dalia took note of this, for when I awoke Christmas morning, there was a gift bag of wonderful goodies, that included a proper mask- for your face- the kind you rinse off 😊  and the fabulous mini-purse that has a shiny heart and a sliver of a gold moon. Dalia’s amazing and original patterns, can be found on Etsy and Instagram, under the name Zagpie Designs.

In return, I gave of course, what I have…two copies of my book, for others to discover the beauty, mystery and love of Ospero Falls, BC.

Another highlight, was the amazing Christmas dinner Dalia spent the day preparing, then served later on. This was not something that was expected. So to share in a lovely Christmas meal with both Dalia and Sam, was so wonderful! She made a delicious cabbage, root creamed vegetables dish that was so good!

The other angel who extended their kindness was someone who presented their heart-warming generosity! Again, they know who they are, and I hope in reading my post, will understand just how much I was blessed in our interactions!

As a result of their compassion, I was able to get more comfort and warm.

I also watched the touching movie, Dear Evan Hansen.

There was so much, even as a 50 year old woman, that I could relate to… the song selections spoke to my inner child and I thought of how my own previous life interruptions, affected people’s lives.

In my short time spent at this house, I could see for myself, why my path had crossed with others.

Leaving the Airbnb was hard to do, and I had even looked into staying another few days, but due to its popularity, it was booked!

On my departure, I was prayed over and given one last fantastic recommendation…to go for a bite to eat at Brogan’s Diner, in Langley.

The first thing that greeted me was Betty Boop (my daughter was an avid collector of this fun loving icon). The whole restaurant is decked out in memorabilia of other legendary figures. As a lover of positive quotes, there were many to be found.

The day I arrived for something to eat, the waitress ( a mature woman), was serving the whole restaurant. In doing her best, she was trying to manage many tables and when a couple came in, she seated them and shared she would be with them shortly. As she loaded up her arms to deliver several plates of delicious food, the couple stood and left in a huff. I could tell this affected her personally and she was upset. When she came to my table to serve me my wonderful breakfast, I commented, “You are doing an amazing job and thank you for being here today!” From beyond her rimmed glasses, I could see her hold back her tears as she muttered, “Thank you so much!”

When I went to leave, I gave her an extra five dollars on top of regular tip. She was thrilled and I thought about how little it takes to make someone’s day.

Often the most valuable of gifts come in a lengthy phone-call, from a cherished friend and sister in Christ, as in my telephone conversation from Leanna. She is a devoted soul, to her church, her family, work and friends. When we were talking, laughing and even through tears, the one thing that Leanna said to me, resonated…she spoke of how all of my interactions, had brought me many blessings, but most of all it had given me moments of dignity that were overflowing with LOVE.

A little token of my Appreciation that I left behind at the Airbnb (Gratitude pebble and a small plaque that reads: "Home is where Love lives."  

It was when I take the time to unwind myself from the role of being an outcast, that I am reminded of all the continual, beautiful, interactions serve, such a wonderful purpose in my unsettled life. 

I also am most grateful for the outpouring of prayers that have held my name and those who continue to offer their love and support! 

It had me think for a moment about this question that was presented to me:

What if God was not here on earth?

You think people can be cruel now, imagine us without the presence of our Creator. You think we are brutal to each other no, imagine the world without the Holy Spirit. You think there is loneliness, despair and guilt now…imagine the life without the touch of Jesus.

No forgiveness, No Hope. No acts of kindness. No words of Love. No more food given in his name. No more songs sung to his praise. No more deeds done in his honour. If God took away his angels, his grace, his promise of eternity and those serving hearts, what would the world be like?

In two words- pure hell. No one to comfort you and no music to soothe you. A world where poets don’t write of love and minstrels don’t sing of hope; for love and hope were passengers on the last ship. The final vessel has departed, and the anthem of hell has only two words: “if only.”

~ Just Like Jesus Max Lucado

In the end, this Christmas season, due to the kindest of hearts, giftings and love, I learned from the timeless holiday classics…

I became Linus, reunited with my blanket of comfort, my heart grew three sizes, and I embraced the winter tales lesson of self-acceptance- in that even though I am different, I STILL have something to offer.

By TL Alton