The Nourished Roots

 

The Root YOU Feed.... As I am passionate about scripture, I am also about quotes. When I find one that speaks volumes, I rejoice as it is an extension of myself conveying what is imparted from my heart to yours…

By now, if you as the reader have been following along, I have suffered, yet I am alive, I have sought injustice, yet at the price of my health! I extended forgiveness to my former landlords, as I have within my own family. Most importantly, I have become a better person because of the things I have loathed the most!! So today was a learning lesson about what roots we feed the most.

Today, I awoke early at an undisclosed area where I “sleep” in my car. The daily and nightly procedures I go through to snuggle into a car that has the size enough to accommodate a fold up size buggy. I have spent many other blogs feeding the root of poverty. This is not another one of those posts as I had an elder lady tell me she felt guilty sipping on her creamy Strawberry chill, while reading my words.

This about what you can do when you do have nothing! Or think you do not…

I picked up my mail to discover a lovely card that had 2 Tim Horton’s gift cards. My friends are fan of the Oilers and have gone beyond the manner of ‘serving’ to assist their Sister in Christ. I am then able to sit in Various Tim Hortons and type away to make use of my time. Plus, I would come to see how key these two cards have been in helping others.

I happened into a Tim Hortons wearing my mask and met a lovely young lady named Lauren, who worked in the Royal Oak area. After some chit-chat, I discovered she was on her break, and liked Everything bagels with plain cream cheese. I whipped out a card and bought her lunch. I offered to toss in a drink, but she politely declined. I had also spoke with her about my novel…the one that is currently being held hostage in an attic of buried technology…desperate to escape. I gave her my card and away I went. For the cost of a bagel, I was able to break the dreaded boomerang of the pandemic and reach out in kindness…without touching anyone or encroaching on their space.

Later, I needed a bathroom and went to a Park, as I also had to re-organize my belongings for the night.

A group of people were getting into two vehicles, parked next to me. The women were dressed in Sari’s and one had a platter with a cake. I approached (again wearing my mask) and asked what the celebration was? They said it was their father’s birthday.

I smiled through my mask and said, “You have a lovely family to celebrate with!”

This caught them off-guard and the woman remarked with smiles, “Thank you for your Kindness!”

Another trip to a local Timmies saw a Manager speak of his young wife , who earlier in their marriage battled a serious disease. This rendered her unable to have children and this man was broken just relaying their heartache. I asked for her name and assured him I would be praying for them both. His reaction was to almost burst in tears! Once again, the powerful root of kindness was being nourished.

Later, back at the park, I saw  gathering of people in chairs. I could see physical distancing and bags of goodies were bring handed out. I requested some one in charge to come over and speak with me. There was a great deal of hesitation and finally a woman who was the host walked over. I asked if they were celebrating an event and she said yes! I then commended her on the spacing between them and wished them a safe event- one without COVID-19 happening! She thanked me profusely when all I was doing was wishing those gathered safety and joy!

I later had a wonderful conversation with a vibrant and skilled hairdresser named April. Later I met her sweet little girl Aura and her beautiful energy made me smile.

It was a day where I chose to feed the roots of JOY and Kindness.

After they left, The Tim Horton’s was besieged with the violent outbreak of a man having a mental health issue. While everyone sat safely inside, I attended and went to speak with the man.

I asked him simple questions: “Had he eaten?” “Was he Dehydrated?”

He calmed down when I asked him what he wanted?

All he could muster was a request for a Boston Cream donut and an apple juice.

I went inside and came back with his order.

He asked for some change and I shared I am homeless too. This quieted him down.

I reached out in empathy, as I know what it is like to be looked at, as if you are a monster.

in my most dire times, it came down to what I needed...respect, love, hug or understanding. 

The past six months, what the basics are became distorted...

In this painful but enlightening process, the reasoning for my quest for righteousness in this world, has come at a price. I traded my health and wellness to prove the wrongs done to me.

I have experienced two strokes, a bled on my brain and recently, I had an ultrasound on my heart.

To add to my ailments, I recently learned, I have a hole in my heart. To me this comes as no surprise.

On December 12, 2011, my heart was fractured by the death of my daughter. I endured the death of my 10-year relationship, the drugging, kidnapping, and assault when I first moved to the Island and two bouts of homelessness. There is more, yet even as I write this, I can easily see which root is being fed.

I should point out these are things done to me...what about the poor choices I've made?? 

If any clearer a message can be rendered beyond stress Kills…it is that I am allowing the bitter roots of anger, resentment, and suffering to be fed!

Since I am a homeless person, living and sleeping in my vehicle, does not mean I do not have choices to make. I have deleted my Facebook, refocused on my self-worth, gathered strength in numbers of those who love, support, and believe in me, created a list of reviews I have garnered as a clean and quiet tenant.  

Therefore, I have walked away from my addiction to poverty, cut ties from the enemy and am seeking to rebuild myself….peace by Peace.

 

By Tonya L. Alton

The HEART Knows....

 

“There has to be ACTION in your Conviction …Otherwise you are preaching to a tone-deaf audience.”

~ Tonya Alton

I never thought when I placed 12 FORGIVENESS CARDS around my former rental home…it would lead to this.

The “THIS” I am referring to is when I preach words, but do not follow through on my own moralization.

“THIS” refers to the humiliating notion that I am wearing clothes that need laundered, sleep that desperately yearns for a pillow and that along my way to fighting for a home, I’ve lost the PURPOSE in all the PAIN.

Instead of a blog stating what I am feel I am entitled to…this is a BLOG about LETTING GO.

People that know me on my spiritual path, understand when I hear a message from the LORD, I pay attention to it.

My day and most of my night, has been spent straightening the wrongs, forgiving the Unforgivable and crawling on my knees to the door of a Church, where I can TESTIFY I have given it ALL to GOD- TRULY!

For years, I have spoken of forgiveness and yet the ones who honestly need it, have been left out!

Last week, I genuinely granted complete forgiveness to a woman bent on my destruction- my own Mother. This is not going to be the blog where I hash out everything…and yet one has to mention the wrath of Satan as a recent visit dd not go well and I suffered again at the hands of the woman who gave me life! So for those believing forgive and forget…that memo the ENEMY seems to have lost! The sole purpose of this trip was to be with my brother, who also had a child recently pass. My Daughter died at 21 and his son died at 22. Left to our own safe space, we consoled one another, cried and a tragic connection of having a child die, was the real reason I travelled one month after having a stroke. I would have driven through a tornado to get to my bro. No parent should have to deal with a child’s death, let alone 2 in one family.

Only 48 hours later, as Per the usual forced departure, I left fleeing my mother’s wrath, her cutting words and volumes of madness... I will never understand.

However, I knew If I could forgive this woman, I call mother, I could take the sword buried deep in my fractured heart and walk away….hobbling and in pain, I made it to my car and left as I always do…broken hearted and in despair. Yet, The Lord knows I was genuine in Always loving her and now I needed to let her go….

Upon my return, I waited to speak with the Neurologist that had kindly conveyed the type of stroke I had and let me know of an upcoming ultrasound on my heart.

This was the game changer for me.

I began to read my blogs back to last year and of the anger, frustration, and lack of peace I’ve endured.

Poor Choices …YES, Only Human…YES…Did I need to grant my own self FORGIVENESS…a resounding YES!! For Every person that can beat me up with their words…it pales in comparison to what I dole out on a daily basis. If my old Mirror could talk, it would not say very nice things to the person looking into it! The saying “You are your own worst enemy echoes in my ringing ears, as I type this!”

Every Christian has a day of Reckoning…Today was mine! I realize in the desperate attempt to fight for what use to e my rental suite, I lost my saving grace…that is the day before I left my suite, I placed “Forgiveness Cards” all over it. Yet, I’ve spent every waking moment and bit of fight in me, to dissuade the very thing I set out to do! You see I forgot who was actually fighting for me! In the Hospital, I remember praying to the Lord that I would survive…now that I’m surviving…I’m praying to the Lord to FIGHT for me and yet…. I’m expecting my angel Advocate to do the bidding for me. This is wrong! IT’s like asking someone to endorse you, then they do and next you IGNORE the main person – JESUS who is the CAPTAIN and GOD who is MY MASTER of My FATE and the ship I’m on. So, Today was about Letting GO and Rightfully so… as I have a Heart Appointment that is NOT going to go very well. So, call it doing my pre-homework, but it led me to make several calls that tied up the ends of somethings. If in 2 Corinthians 5:7 We are to walk by FAITH and NOT by Sight, then Everything leading up to my revelation, is to point to Letting GO instead of continuing to fight….after all, a dead carcass cannot take its dry bones to battle, unless the LORD ALMIGHTY breathes life into them! Therefore, after much prayer, a lot of tears and bargaining, God helped me make the following FINAL Decision…. I am WITHDRAWING and MAKING MY FINAL REQUEST known to the RTB that I am NO Longer pursuing the matter against my former Landlords for Wrongful Eviction. I cannot take any funds where I am going and if I am to BE FAITHFUL to my beliefs then I CANNOT pursue this matter any further! After all, strokes, heart issues, homelessness and the long term date of November 20^th was not appealing…yet TRUTH be told, if I am a TRUE CHRISTIAN, then me crawling on my knees to the door of somewhere I once worshiped, to say to the LORD HOW SORRY I AM FOR ASKING HIM TO FIGHT MY BATTLES …then ignore it when he did…this is not how I am to TRUST HIM….Also, when you FORGIVE someone it does not mean you pulverize yourself into the ground, entertain the notion of dying and say I FORGIVE…BUT….For there are no BUTS. So to my former Landlords, MY demise WHICH the LORD ONLY KNOWS SHOULD not be THE cost TO FURTHER pay…I CRAWL BACK TO MY CAR…AND I SAY I FORGIVE YOU!!! I ALSO SAY I AM GRATEFUL FOR THOSE WHO ARE STILL ARE WITH ME ALONG THE JOURNEY. 

BY TONYA LYNN ALTON

MY Broken BRAIN and being Displaced

I have spent the past two years blogging, being an advocate for those who voices have been stripped from them. I have lit a fire and brought awareness to those in need, struggling, desperate to stay alive in a system that has stripped them of their rights, dignity, and ability to take a stand. In lending my voice, I have held the hands of broken people…written their stories and  dedicated blogs to them.

This time around, this blog is for MY Voice, MY Story, as I am slowly slipping through the cracks of a broken system.

Please bear with me as I try to convey what my message is about, due to me having a stroke at only 49 years of age, I am  struggling to piece this all together. If there are spelling errors or parts that do not make sense, I feel it too.  MY broken brain has been through a lot in the past six months and is screaming I WANT ANSWERS!!

My turn of events became worse in that I had a sudden stroke and was placed in hospital after 9-11 was called. Prior to this I had received the terrible news my 22-year-old nephew died suddenly.

Life has been a whirlwind of tragedies and I am writing this post for fear it may be my last!

I have been struggling- rendered homeless and protecting those who care nothing about me!

This post will reveal the source of my anguish and all that I am enduring, in hopes that Finally my story will be heard! I trusted others to tell my story and yet as I am slowly falling apart, I cannot afford to wait any longer! There are people who need to be held responsible in hat they have put me through! NO human being should be living day by day, out of a 2015 Nissan Micra!

Before anyone lays judgement on my journey, I beg for them to take the journey I have these past 4 + months and see how they fare afterwards!

As a Christian, I have prayed over my enemies, been grateful for the kindness of others and to be clear, I still Believe! This blog is also dedicated to the many nameless car campers I’ve met along the way…the ones whose children begged to know: “Mommy, Daddy, where are we sleeping tonight?” as they climbed out of bushes, clinging to their stuffed animals. This is for the father who left his five children behind with his wife and sleeps in a van for fear of the fighting due to loss of job, consuming them. To the farmers, who have graced countless tables to bringing food to our satisfied bellies and the truckers who transport the products to our Canadian Tires. I support you!

Now let me take you on a journey of brokenness, where everywhere I have turned…sees me be consumed by a system that is NOT working!

In February 2020, moved into a residence in Elk Lake. A Bachelor suite for $1050/ month. My Landlords Kelsey and Corey Labelle, welcome me in. I spent three days scrubbing and cleaning (I have a stack of exceptional references, as I was a professional cleaner.) In February 2020, I was offered a position working in Victoria for the Cruise Ship Industry). With me having acquired a new place, my landlords were aware of my job offer, but also hoping I could begin work sooner than later. In my phone conversations with Greater Victoria Tourism, I was concerned of a starting date and wanted to begin my position to begin earlier rather than later. Then the coronavirus hit, and everything changed. 

In March, COVID- 19 hit and I on March 21^st, I was served an RTB -30(10-day notice to move), this happened despite being told that an Eviction Ban had been implemented by Premier of BC John Horgan. I had friends, family and even neighbours say I did not have to move. However, my former landlord would go on record to say regarding my wrongful eviction: “It's nothing personal!”

 I packed up me and my daughter Shayla’s belongings (Shayla had died at age 21 – 10 years earlier). I was the one who still had her stuff. My landlords knew of my loss. I shared with them I would be rendered without a home, where upon again the message to me was: “It’s nothing personal.”

My landlord broke a 12 month lease and moved another tenant into the suite I had called home. After moving over 20 times back and forth to storage in the rain with my small Micra, a friend came to lend a hand. My stuff went into storage and costs me $150/ month. In the past 5 months, I have moved 10 times now!!

In the midst of all of this, I was hired as a cleaner to at The McKenzie Interchange Project. Since it was Union, I now had the funds to pay for my rent. Instead, someone else moved into my former suite! A month later, I lost this second job to COVID-19! Thankfully, I was eligible for CERB, which would have also seen my rent being paid to my landlords. I was also told my former landlords they could have applied for the Supplement being offered by the Government.

Since the Air bnb’s were hit hard, I have stayed at several, plus 2 hotels, a cabin, camped on farmland and slept in my car, when funds had been used up. Daily expenses included gas, ice to keep food (however it was hard to maintain and a lot of food had to be tossed out, I required wood which I had to buy and gas to go back into Victoria from Mill Bay to my storage to get more camping equipment).

I will give a shout out to those who out of sheer kindness helped me acquire nights of safe shelter! Those who extended my stays and appreciated my cleanliness. Without you, I would have perished long before!

A common thread throughout all of this is my numerous calls to the Residential Tenancy Branch. I wanted to file against my former Landlords as it has cost me (ALL receipts) have been kept…over a whopping $7,000 dollars to be rendered displaced)!

In all of this, I kept contacting the Residential Tenancy Branch. I was thankful for a dear friend who was advocating for me.

My car that I lease and pay monthly payments on... is where my health issues surmounted! As a woman my stature and size, cannot possibly sleep in a tiny car properly.

On July 28^th, 2020, I received via text that my 22-year-old nephew had suddenly died. Having Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Bipolar, my world came crashing in around me! 

Horrendous things and painful memories linked to my own daughters death, were triggered! I began to pound the inside of my car and burst into sobs! NO one can imagine how I felt to receive such traumatic news this way…except for the God that was watching it all unfold! That night, I awoke in my car struggling to breathe! I felt a tightness in my chest and struggled with my car door opening. Upon falling to my knees onto the pavement of the church parking lot I had been staying in, I dropped my phone. I kept on trying to pick up my Cell phone with my left and it was not working! I went to stand up and was dizzy, along with being disoriented. I did not want to dial 9-11 as I feared going to the hospital, based on past experience of how I was mistreated. Suddenly, clear as day, I felt a presence behind me and heard the voice of my dead daughter say: “Momma, you have to call 9-11!” It scared me as I turned around to see no one there! But I knew it was Shayla’s voice and I called 9-11. The ambulance was there very quickly, and they took wonderful care of me! I was brought to Victoria General Hospital, where I was placed in Emergency, then on the 6^th floor of Neurology. It was from a nurse, I learned at the age of 49, I had a stroke!! One thing I want to make clear is the fantastic treatment I received from all the nurses, Neurologists and Doctors! I had a clean bed to sleep in, warm blankets, three square a day of food and the best bed mates I could ask for. 

After a few good nights sleep and some meals, I became Caregiver Tonya, once again. I prayed over ladies in my ward ( With full permissions given after I kindly asked), one lady was on her umpteenth back surgery and I could sense she was scared, so I went over and asked for the Lords hands to be upon the surgeons when working on her.

You see, when Dr. Henry asked us to Be Kind… it is because it is the one thing that COVID cannot strip away from you…it may render you displaced, take away loved ones, remove your jobs, but it SIMPLY is NOT STRONG enough to take away your KINDNESS!!

What happened to me in the hospital is something I will always fight against—The lack of dignity and respect towards someone who is already down and out. The fight for countless others is a real, daily struggle! 

I had been a willing patient—taking all of my meds, including new ones. I had been though so many tests, my arms were all bruised!  I listened and spoke to a Resident of Internal Medicine named DR. L Eadie, whose compassion was on the grand scale. Her caring heart brought such warmth into my life! I had been waiting patiently on a Social Worker. Everyone was aware I was displaced, lost everything- including my 22-year-old nephew. There were people in the sector of health and wellness, who were leary of what the Social Worker would come and say. I paid attention to them because they truly know the system!  It is’ heart breaking what happened next.  After hearing my story…the Social Worker agreed I am not shelter material- the criteria is the following which I replied ALL NO's too: The said person being homeless is fleeing an Abusive relationship/ marriage – No! The person has children/ dependents- No! The person is an addict whose addictions are alcohol or drugs- No! 

She then agreed a shelter was not the best for me and proceeded to leave me with a pamphlet with the glaring title: STREET SURVIVAL GUIDE!

This is the help I received after being wrongfully evicted during COVID-29, have lost two jobs, had my young nephew die, living in my car and suffered a stroke! I was told later, I also had an aneurysm!

I felt tossed aside my society and left to my own means, I would have to go back to my hot car, where another stroke could possibly kill me!

I reached out to my brother, to offer from his sisters own bereaved heart, my genuine condolences. 

I no longer wanted to stay in the hospital. I was suffering with paranoia and decided on my own accord, to leave the hospital. I made contact with my brother and shared that I wanted to drive to Alberta to attend my nephews Memorial being held on the weekend. He was not thrilled to hear this and shared that it was not the best idea. 

In the end, I allowed logic to be the deciding factor- that I would never want to cause a car accident and place my family in more pain. It crushed my heart, when I could not attend my nephews Celebration of Life, yet it did not stop me from grieving him! 

Thankfully, I had temporary shelter to go to and this is where I type from.

Follow the threads of this long and winding blog post…it is clear that I was having a hard time navigating the system, given my broken brain.

I now have someone who is advocating on my behalf. Thankfully, on top of all their work and life, they have graciously extended a life line to me! 

All I want is to be heard and this nightmare to end...with me still breathing afterwards...

Time after Time,  I have clung onto my God! Two things the coronavirus cannot take from me…KINDNESS and my FAITH!!

I dedicate this post to the many others I've met in 4 months time- those who are truly homeless and invisible within our society.

by TL Alton