Between a Rock and Reality

As a writer, I could not imagine I would be putting words to paper, during a pandemic.

No matter what, I feel it is important for me to continue edits on my book, composing drafts, and releasing my fears through font.

Being an imperfect believer, I feel every aspect of what our world is going through, God is part of the coronavirus… but not what some may think.

In reflecting on the past months, I can drawn a straight line and correlate the before and after of my journey. In doing so, I see things may not always be, what they appear. Pieces of a bigger picture that if one were to map it out, over time, the clarity of each situation has brought me to the place where I am at.

When I was evicted and thrust into the middle of the virus, I needed to believe there was purpose in my pain. In seeking shelter, I had to pray more than stars aligning to bring me luck. I found myself packing up and moving out in only 10 days, by landlords whose motives became clear. Friends had facilitated me securing work and one helped me move, some of my things into storage. As I scoured the landscape looking for a place to land, I found The Days Inn on the Harbour. From the minute, my feet stepped into the hotel, I was welcomed by Lynn. Her warmth was evident in the way she spoke. She offered assurance, the Days Inn would do all they could, to accommodate me. I was planning to stay for a few nights, in order to figure things out. At the front desk, my room was upgraded to a kitchen unit, with two beds. I opened the curtains to reveal an incredible ocean view, spanning across the inner harbour. Walking over to the nightstand, I opened the drawer and pulled out The Holy Book. Flipping open to a page, I let my eyes scan to the passage of hope, I needed.

While a guest at the hotel, I was able to pour over more edits; Liam Ford https://www.liamford.com/ had spent his valued time on my novel. I went through every line and compared, making notes. Being able to solely focus on my book, allowed me to settle on any adjustments, I felt were needed. As I neared the end, I held back on the last two chapters, as I pondered the next setting I would be in.

One month later, I found myself checking out of The Days Inn on the Harbour. I had been treated with utmost care and outstanding customer service by staff. Lynn, Mike, Mark, Lavern, and Gabriela, made my stay, a comfortable one. We shared in conversations, laughter, and some normalcy in the midst of COVID-19. One of the Front Desk Managers, Mike- was a combination of a young Hugh Laurie and Kiefer Sutherland. When my movie channel played a week of Sutherland flicks, Mike took all the silly jokes I teased him, with a good sense of humour. Lynn went beyond any customer service expectations and I was treated to beautiful gestures, from the heart.

Easter treats from Lynn

The General Manager, Darryl Wilson extended his services, by engaging in talks of community matters. When I was laid off my job, the hotel offered their support. When it came time to search for a new place to move into, Darryl gave me a pep talk, which lit a fire underneath me. He also offered, if I required it, to provide a reference for me. I was humbled by this, as how often does a General Manager of a hotel, offer to do so!

It was during my time at the hotel and before packing up, I researched the origins of where I had been staying. Lynn had on one occasion asked me, “Why did you chose here, to stay with us?” I pointed to the heavens and replied, “I think there was a higher power at hand.”

In my room, sitting at the desk, I began reading with interest about the founder of The Days Inn~ Cecil B. Day.

“Day founded Days Inn on Tybee Island, Georgia, in 1970. He proposed the idea as a means of using a piece of land he owned on the island. When the first Days Inn opened, Day could not find maid service, so he had his children make up the rooms' beds. Also, a truck that delivered furniture was too heavy for the bridge onto the island, so Day's mother hauled furniture onto the island in her station wagon. Despite the criticism that Day faced from friends for wanting to start a new lodging option on a "no-name island" with a flagging tourist economy, the first Days Inn was 100 percent occupied by April 1970. Through the 1970s hotel guests could take home a paperback Bible from their guest rooms for free. Day, who was a devout Christian, also offered a network of chaplains to provide ministry at each motel.”

Source: Wikipedia

Closing my own Bible set beside me, I smiled and nodded my head. Upon final check-out, I said my farewells and mentioned Cecil B. Day. It was confirmation of the Lord’s grace upon me, during these trying times. Before parting, Lynn gifted me more presents, which are now part of my new accommodations. I will never forget, the kindness shown to me, when I had been ousted to the streets. Looking back, I am comforted to know, these caring hearts saw someone in need and helped me.

My beautiful parting gifts from Lynn included 3 tokens of Guidance, Strength and Peace, plus more!

In securing my new place, I turned to Airbnb. Having previously stayed at various locations, I had great experiences. Much to my delight, my research brought me to a place, where there was a tree house for rent! To say I was over the moon is an understatement. I thought of completing book edits, in a place which is featured throughout my novel, Under the Sitka Tree. After speaking with the owner, we agreed on a time to travel the distance to see the tree house. That morning, I woke up early and before I could depart, received an email. The rental was no longer available. The door was closed, and I was dejected.

I found myself in prayer and asking the Lord to guide my next steps. Going back on-line to Airbnb, I was not ready to give up. Soon, I found a single cabin on a farmhouse acreage. I loved the idea to be surrounded in a space, where I be inspired.

Having a sense that this was where I truly was meant to be, I booked it and as my post is being written, it is from my little cabin. The details to my lodging show craftsmanship, ingenuity, and lots of personal touches. I was welcomed with farm fresh eggs, bread, proper bacon, and chocolate chunk cookies. Upon putting my clothes away in the drawer, I made a discovery that instilled in me the Lord had brought me here. A small Bible with a cross and the word Redemption, had been left by a previous guest.

Since my experiences with Airbnb has always been positive, I felt it was a wonderful choice to stay, even for a month. Previous Hosts have given me terrific feedback. Along with the Hotel Manager glowing remarks, this helped me to overcome the ordeal I went through, at my very last house and pet sit.

Often it takes months, sometimes years, before we can truly have an idea of the ripple effects on our lives- by the misguided actions of others.

As I thought about my journey, I could see both the good versus the bad. Looking at times where I might have blamed God, I made the decision not to. This has helped me march on....

In my progression, I was free of anything that anchored me to the enemy. A strong example of this is when my daughter, Shayla died. Never once did I hold the Lord responsible. It was a man-made faulty design of a treacherous road, wrapped around an overfilled, frozen reservoir, which caused her death. Shayla’s in-experience as a new driver and a car overloaded with her stuff, also were contributing factors.

I have said it from the beginning in December 2011…Jesus was never at fault. Instead, he was there to welcome her home.

Since the coronavirus has struck earth, taken lives with a merciless force, and forever changed our world, I have watched…and heard, repeated by some: “Why did God do this?”

In the depths of my soul, I do not believe Our Creator, is behind this.

Looking at the possible source, it points to a man-made decision. One in which spread across the nations, in a fury of deaths, losses and destruction. While I talk of lives that have succumbed to this terrible virus, I am also speaking of the demise of other important matters: the end of a family business, the loss of our freedom to hug a grandchild, not being able to attend the funeral of a loved one and our vulnerable elders. Consideration also needed to be given to those who as a cultural, are feeling the deep rooted pain of racism and segregation.

As an angry filled ocean of those looking to blame, continues to swirls around us, we as a society find it hard to take responsibility. We may look up, down and all around, but the source of where this originated from, has a hard time facing it in the mirror.

The reality is when great things happen, we all give high- fives or pat ourselves on the back. Yet when bad things happen, the backslide is to shake our fists to the heavens and declare:

“What kind of a God would do this?”

When I read the updated numbers- on those who have died of COVID-19 and who has survived- my prayers on my knees, are equal.

As we open up and see for ourselves, the HOPE that has come out of something so evil, maybe we will ensure the right source, is held accountable.

by TL Alton

The Position of Foundation

As a writer for over twenty years, my life has been interspersed with peaks and valleys.

Stories are a plenty as often they find their way to me in a myriad of ways, which sees myself -the author- ask for God to be the ink in my pen, when writing them.

This post is about integrity, the power of connection and the harmony found in letting go of things, in order to find purpose. At the core of my blog, during a time of isolation, is to use my creativity to evoke thought.

To those who are in my circle of friendships, some have lasted decades, while others have faded away. When we entrust others with personal aspects of our lives- we are giving away fundamental parts of ourselves. Whether in the workplace or in the privacy of our home, what we share are words that can be used to bolster us or be seen as weaponry of destruction. How fortunate then is it, to have a belief system that even if you are wronged by someone, you know the power of forgiveness.

Years ago, after my daughter Shayla passed away at the age of 21, there were clusters of grieving people…family, friends, loved ones and even strangers who came to mourn her.

One of those who joined me in bereavement, was my best friend. Since knowing her in Grade 5, our lives were intersected throughout the decades, in calamities. We had seen each other through the worst of times. There were also the moments where celebrations were present. Never could we have foreseen a division among us, after all we had endured. After my daughter died, the bitter roots of grief and anguish took hold and we parted ways. Weeks turned into months and one year became several. Despite our distancing, I continued to pray for her and her loved ones~ people I called family.

Then, only two months ago, I received a message from her. It took me less than a minute, to reach out and re-connect. For both of us, time had not erased the friendship we shared. Catching up, a flurry of messages went back and forth. Some of what I had to share was difficult, given all that I had overcome. Yet she offered her compassion and assurance that she would have my back, moving forward.

Only a month ago, I received a message that someone she knew, was working for a construction company in Victoria. Knowing I was unemployed and evicted (in the midst of the coronavirus) from my home, she reached out to him. Shortly after, I was hired by Pomerleau, whose 50 years of history as a leader in construction industry in Quebec, embodies strong family values. The company is working on the McKenzie Interchange Project, in Victoria.

In the past, my employment history includes a dedicated work ethic, to companies with a core foundation of strong families. From the Sanderson’s (Sandstorm North Contracting) ~ who I worked for in the Provincial Parks, to the Butchart’s where I was employed at their Canadian National Historic Site ~ The Butchart Gardens, I have enhanced my skills and gained valuable knowledge.

My position at Pomerleau was classified as Labourer II. I was a cleaner, hired to deal with the COVID-19 crisis, by disinfecting offices, outhouses, and surfaces requiring proper cleansing. Having an extensive background in sanitizing, updating my WHMIS, and being a former supervisor, provided me with the confidence to not only do the job well, but exceed expectations. In addition to my skills, I have learned the importance of respect in the workplace and maintaining open communication. This has me blessed to have received several letters of reference, which shows my commitment to my job roles.

Every time I cleaned the three construction sites, we worked in, I did two things. As I set out my checklist, I prayed while I went about my daily duties. Not for myself, but for others in the workplace, who have family, loved ones, friends and people who matter. I thought about them returning home, feeling confident that their environment had been made safer, after my co-worker and I completed our tasks. The other point was to take notice of things that mattered; items that needed to be removed from the sites that caused issues with the coronavirus. I took pictures of important concerns and made sure to address them with my Supervisor.

One day while cleaning a building, I saw the following quote written on a board and it resonated with me…

~ Simon Sinek 

Never did I take my job for granted; especially now in as we are surrounded by uncertainty. Every paycheck, I gave thanks, for as it kept me from homelessness. I also was reminded daily of my own health. Seven months had passed since I was placed on a list to have a consult with a Specialist. With COVID-19 immersing the world in a pandemic, I did not expect to hear from anyone soon. However, only two days ago, I received the long-awaited call and was informed that I would be contacted again to set up a Biopsy.

The first thing to enter my mind was how could I take time off work?

The revolving door of my life, brought a sudden change, when I was called into the ‘office’ by a Project Manager. Due to the near completion, and there were two of us who cleaned, I was let go. This was not a surprise, given the nature of the construction business.

For me, it was what the Project Manager said, that reflected all I had achieved. After his expression of gratitude, he shared how I had made the workplace safer. Also, my cleaning was of high standards and when all of the project was complete, I could drive through it, knowing my contribution was valued.

My response was to give thanks for everything; my job, the essential role I had and how grateful I was for the wonderful opportunity!

After, I went into each work building and thanked the men, who gave me a chance to keep their work areas clean and safe. With no handshakes, I let my appreciation, being known in my words.

As I drove away, I thought about my former co-worker and later sent her this message:

We are all chapters in someone’s lives- some short, while others carry on the story, but each support one another, so as to complete the book. Thank you for your company, communication and working alongside me. There is no need for you saying sorry, as I was able to work for awhile and provide for myself. I hold the laughter and time we spent together with deep regards. Turns out the revolving door of life worked out well, as I just received a call that my Biopsy is scheduled for Monday. For me, this is every indication that Gods provisions is in His timing. Be Well, Be Loved and Be good to yourself, because you truly deserve it! Take good care. ~ Tonya

While this part of my life comes to a closing, I now will focus on my health and what may lay ahead.

I know the life lesson I have been given, stems from a place of familiarity between myself and the company of Pomerleau, where I was employed… The essence of integrity, will shine through and long be remembered, for what a person stands for.

by TL Alton

A Flip of the Switch

As I write this, I am still in shock at how I was evicted in only 10 days, from my suite. Yes, I realize I could have stayed and fought the ruthlessness of my landlords, who told me:

 "Its nothing personal." 

I beg to differ. Thrusting a human being out into a pandemic, is very personal. 

While I have extended forgiveness to my former landlords...it does not mean I forget all that has happened, which is now seeing me pay a huge cost for shelter. 

I could have filed a request with the Residential Tenancy Branch to dispute my ousting, which would have me spend more time and additional money. However, right now I am working as a cleaner on construction sites. To keep those working in a 'safe environment,' myself and another team member disinfect, all day long. The company I am employed by, is one of the second largest construction companies, in North America. They became my priority; in a time when many have lost their jobs, I was hired full time. 
I decided where my ‘fight’ was best used, and this is against COVID-19. However, the constant stress of being under an eviction notice took its toll and I had to make the decision to accept defeat and leave my rental suite. I am staying in a hotel room, where they have been accommodating as possible. 
The staff; especially the front desk lady named Lynn, continues to remind me of the genuine goodness in people! 
As I try to save for another damage deposit and first months rent, I am astounded over all that has transpired, in a short amount of time. 

Yet, from reading this article by Kendra Crighton, I understand I am not alone...

Greater Victoria survey shows third of respondents did not pay, or partially paid rent for April

Survey of 70 respondents says 40 per cent expect they will not be able to pay May rent

• KENDRA CRIGHTON 
• Apr. 6, 2020 5:00 p.m.
• LOCAL NEWS

A new survey from the Victoria Tenant Action Group (VTGA) shows nearly a third of all respondents did not pay, or only partially paid, rent for the month of April.

On April 3, VTGA launched the survey to collect information on the different situations faced by renters and their interactions with landlords after the first of the month, collecting more than 60 responses from across the Capital Regional District.

Of those people who were unable to pay all or some of their rent, 70 per cent said that they either didn’t have enough money to pay or that paying rent would not have left enough to cover food and other necessities. Of the people who could pay rent in full, 18 per cent reported not having enough money for food and other necessities after paying rent.

According to the survey, 40 per cent of people expect they will not be able pay rent on May 1 without sacrificing something.

“These results confirm what we are hearing from our members,” said Ben Baird of VTAG in a press release. “Rent is either not being paid or it’s being paid at the expense of other basic survival needs like food and medication.”

The survey also found that a number of renters reported they were receiving communications from landlords threatening evictions for non-payment, trying to set up rent repayment contracts and urging tenants to apply for government relief in order to pay their rent. Three per cent of respondents said they received offers of rent reduction or waivers by their landlords.

The VTGA is calling for immediate rent amnesty in the form of rent-debt erasure, for all renters who have gone into debt since April 1, as well as calling for a full cancellation of rent and mortgage payments until the pandemic is over. They are also calling for landlord licensing to ensure accountability for landlords who use the threat of future evictions.

“By failing to enact a rent and mortgage moratorium before April 1, the B.C. government has thrown renters and landlords into deeper conflict. Tenants need a guarantee that rent will be cancelled and not result in debt accumulation and eviction in the future,” said Baird.

What is to come, is anyone's guess and no one wins in this situation, where a deadly virus-

 has forever impacted our world. 

By TL Alton 

EGR ~ Extra Grace Required

 Grace is often defined as “unmerited favor.” Yet grace involves so much more. It empowers us to do the will of the Spirit, to forgive when it’s hard, to do what would be impossible on our own- from walking in wisdom to building relationships to loving the unlovely. ~ Mark DuPrè

9 weeks. This is the short span of time that took me from the shelter of my home, to being served a 10-day Eviction Notice, in the midst of a pandemic.

As I type this, I am only one sleep away from packing up the last remnants of my life and driving into the unknown.

My story, could be your tale of woe. Intermingled within are glimmers of hope, a sharing of forgiveness and the harsh truth. That despite Premier John Horgan’s relief of a ban on evictions, and his reassurance: “We’re helping renters pay rent and giving them the peace of mind that they have in a stable home in these unprecedented times.” The Premier, left an open-ended statement asking landlords to be understanding and communicate with tenants.

To explain my own personal story, is to share the last of several email communications. Where upon I made every effort, to communicate what led to me typing this in a bare space, I once occupied as home. The following is an open letter to my landlords. Out of privacy and respect, I have not included their names, nor my former address.

To My Landlords,

It was only 9 weeks ago; we signed a 12-month lease. Our interaction was positive, and I was thankful for an early move in date, plus a reduced security deposit of $375.

I had an interview with a job connected to Tourism and my future looked bright. In moving my belongings in, I mentioned I was packing my late daughter’s things.

As I set-up in your suite, upon visiting, you mentioned how nice it smelled. This was a compliment as every place I venture, I like to impart my care.

Soon I was given a wonderful job offer in Tourism, however the late start date was a concern, as I knew it would be weeks before I had a cheque. This would make my rent late and I shared with you that I was now seeking other job opportunities. With March 1^st approaching, I contacted you and requested to speak in person. Upon your arrival, I gave you proof of my small income tax refund, a two-page list of jobs I had applied for and my empty fridge, as I had run out of my savings. As hard as it was to admit, I divulged that I would be needing to access the food bank. I shared how I have helped those in need for many years, therefore I would have to humble myself to receive a food voucher. Your exact words to me were: “Let me go home, discuss it with the wife and I will get back to you.” I emailed you, right after you left to say how grateful I was. Later that night, I received confirmation that I was given 3 weeks grace to come up with March rent. I did not receive an eviction. Again, I was thankful and expressed it. I held off going to the food bank for over a week, as I didn’t feel worthy to receive further help. 

Meanwhile, I applied for more work. I also had four job interviews. This was going on into the 2^nd week of March. After my last job interview, I contacted you again via email, to say I had another interview but no offer. Following my message, you sent me by email, an Eviction notice to be out by March 31^st. I was shocked and given the stress of trying to secure employment, all I could do was to respond, “Thank you and I understand. I did add that you could keep my damage deposit, since I felt terrible over all that had transpired.”

It was soon after, I contacted the Residential Tenancy Act. I discovered several things: a proper eviction notice needs to be served in person/or registered mail and not email. Also a landlord cannot keep a security deposit towards rent. After notifying you again, you both showed up to serve me in person, with a 10 -day Eviction notice. I called the RTB and received two varied samples of the rules. There was confusion about what was going to happen, due to the COVID-19 virus. I was told that an Eviction notice cannot be backdated and that I was okay to stay until the end of April. Additionally, I was told by the RTB agent to be on alert for an announcement was going to be made, concerning evictions. Despite everything, you made it clear that I was to be out on March 31^st, 2020. 

I explained that if I was forced out, I would be homeless and thrust into a world, where a pandemic is happening. You shared that is was nothing ‘personal’. Also, you mentioned that you are exempt from evicting me because it was prior to the virus. Meanwhile, there has been proof this virus was well known long before, you serving me on March 21^st, 2020. You also told me you had showings for the suite, and I would need to vacate for 3 hours. Again, I discovered that I did not have to agree to this, since I believed I was allowed to stay until April 30^th. Furthermore, a tenant does have the right to stay, if any viewings are held. Lastly, I did not want strangers coming in and out of the suite I was still in, during the time of an outbreak. I made a request to have my security deposit, which you ignored and refused to say you would be returning. Had you waited only 2 days later; you would have received the news that I was hired FULL-time by a large North American company. There would have been an upcoming payment of March and April’s rent, once I started receiving my pay. This is what you have cost me during this time of upheaval. I have had to pay for and secure storage (again in the midst of the coronavirus). My sleep has been deprived, due to my late nights of packing. The gas costs for travelling to and from my storage. Plus, the reality that you are forcing me out into a world, when we are all to be self-isolating. Due to not having any funds to move elsewhere, just yet, I have to try and sleep in my car, after I have worked all day, (as you know, my vehicle is a mini- car)! The seriousness of the situation is if due to my dire circumstances, I caught the corona virus, there is a possibility, I could become fatally ill. 

My previous email asked you if you are sure I am evicted, and your response again was for me to vacate on March 31.

I ask you this…just how much is my life worth? The day you served me, I did not feel you saw me as a human being, rather as dollar signs that were not being paid.

The stress of moving in and out in only 9 weeks has taken quite a toll on me. I have lost out on wages due to me having to pack and move. Due to lack of funds, there was also no moving company and therefore, I have used my small car to make countless trips to the storage.

Regardless of me being evicted and exhausted, I managed to still clean the bathroom, oven and fridge, in my suite. 
Throughout the years, in other places I have stayed at, I have amassed a wonderful collection of Thank you cards from people, whose places I’ve stayed at. I also provided you with references from those, I have rented from.  

I even tried placing myself in your shoes and expressed how difficult it must be for yourselves, during these times of uncertainty.

The truth is that in all of the things you have removed from me, there is something that you cannot put a price on. Instead of holding onto bitterness towards you or the situation, every box I packed up, I prayed for you both. Whether it was for you to realize the gravity of the situation, or for your health/ wellness or even that your jobs remain sustainable…I prayed.

As people in a world filled with chaos and crisis, I wanted to leave this suite of 9 weeks and be full of gratitude for my time here. 
In every act of service, there is true grace only found, in forsaking things we think that are ours… for another.

I want you to know how equally important it is for me to share this letter with others, who maybe on either side of the fence. My wish is that a landlord somewhere reads this and realizes what is at stake. That when they come to the door to serve an eviction order, they find a message of strength- not fear on the other side... 

~ Andra Day 

By TL Alton

30 Years

There's a tear that falls between the pages…

I know that pain's supposed to heal in stages

But it depends which one I'm standing on…

Song on Fire ~ Nickelback

There is a name in Hebrew, Havilah meaning “writhing in pain” and “to bring forth”. It signifies the making of something beautiful through pain.

For me I see the parallels of life and death in such a word. I am reminded how thirty years ago, at age nineteen that I gave birth to a beautiful girl Shayla. So vibrant was she that I gave her two middle names Rae Dawn. There was pain in my delivering a 10 lb. 10-ounce, 2 ft baby and also the hidden anguish, of who was not present in the delivery room.

Shayla in Katakana

When Shayla passed at 21, I thought I would surely die inside, of heartbreak. I could not fathom how I would exist without her. Despite trying to formulate the unbearable sorrow felt inside, I fumbled on words of crushing grief. Tears would leak out of the red earth of my eyes- without warning.

How is it then, on what would have been my daughter’s 30^th birthday, I am celebrating when she is no longer here? That I could make plans for a treasure hunt of her precious things, for others to find? Or ask friends and family to honour her name in creative ways?

The truth is, I am giving praise to the creation of her life and not of the day death took her. I am also mindful of what the purpose is intended for. Even though there was no birthday cake, presents or balloons, there is the greatest gift in having raised such an extraordinary, rainbow child.

Shayla didn’t see things in black and white…there was always a kaleidoscope of colours surrounding everything. There were no particles of hate, self-righteousness or unforgiving within her. She proudly wore the uniform of an Air Cadet, the costumes of a dancer and a Judogi, when in practice.

For those that knew my daughter, Shayla was a chameleon.

Her endless array of hairstyles and colours, would see her wearing blonde box braids, or a wine-red spiked mo-hawk, then transform herself with cascading black tresses.

Shayla may have worn self-confidence like a new hat; yet she was a crystallized butterfly inside. Much like her mother, she chased after things that were never attainable in relationships. She poured out her soul, to some who were never deserving of the air, she breathed. Even with all the bullying she endured, Shayla embodied the virtue of forgiveness.

Therefore, every year on the day my daughter was born, I remember the sacredness of her conception. For this young woman taught me more about life through her dying, than anyone else I know. The meaning of Havilah~ making something beautiful through pain~ also refers to celebrating hope. When the page of bereavement has taken my tears, I turn it over… to discover the promise of a future. 2 Corinthians 4:18

In being compassionate, I wanted to join with others, on a day when my daughter came into this world. In doing so, I am not honouring the dead, rather I am rejoicing in the blessing of her once living.

I made a specific request to those in my life, to create Shayla’s name using things. I was not prepared for the amazing and unique ways people shared the ray of Shae. Seeing each display brought me joy and comfort. For those who took the time and made such heartfelt gestures, their sharing resonates within me, the beauty of release.

Later, I gathered personal items belonging to Shayla or had a connection. I decided to tag onto the notion of release and do a treasure hunt. This specific location, is where my daughter had spent time, enjoying the various birds, trees and pathways. 

Cherry Tree reminded me of the video "Fall On Me"

Being creative in my placement of things, I made sure a park worker named Tony, knew what I was doing. I ended up in a lovely conversation about trees, as I was curious about the ‘wrapping’ of some. Tony explained it was to curtail the White Moth from ravaging the tree. I also pointed out a tribute plaque to commemorate those lives perished in 9/11.

I could not refrain, from suggesting a nice polish would be good, to rid of the bird droppings. He agreed it needed a power wash.

At the tail end, I met a wonderful man named Oliver. He inquired about my orange trunk I carried the treasures in. Upon sharing about Shayla and what I was doing, his eyes began to pool tears. He thrust out his hand and felt the need to give me what it contained. It was a perfectly formed pink sea urchin shell, he had found earlier at the ocean. This made me happy, as I thought of how much my daughter had been a lover of the waters. My reaction, saw his cheeks covered with the over spilling, of his water works. This is one thing I struggle with now…if I am the one with the crocodile tears, then that is okay. However, if another person cries- much less a stranger- I want to flee. This is because I’ve had to put a stop valve on my emotions and do not want to open the dam…to see it overflow.

I thanked Oliver for his kindness and decided to take a picture of the seashell.

Gifting from Oliver 

As it grew darker outside, I went back to my place. I put together two sparklers that represented 3-0. I took a golden heart I have wrapped in light and placed it, before I lit the pyrotechnics 😊

Gathering the last tribute to my daughter, I drove to a place I have been to many times before. It is an iron heart, outfitted with locks for people in love. Standing under the streams of lights, I noticed the old lanterns, which reminded me of my novel. 
The scripture I chose was Psalm 57:10.

I wrote Shayla’s favourite song title- “Swing Life Away” by Rise Against. 

I also wrote her initials and I luv U. 

In placing this lock, this symbolizes the letting go of a daughter on this realm, in exchange for the certainty I will see her again. That does not mean I won’t ever cry or celebrate Shayla again. It signifies the comfort in knowing, my daughter is with her Heavenly Father. I am forever grateful for the loaning of her to me.
As I sat under a string of lights, I played on my phone the song, “Fall On Me,” by Christina Aguilera and A Great Big World. Blowing bubbles, I watched them drift past the glow of the twinkling light. I took in the moment and was thankful for no tears. Packing up, I was about to leave, when suddenly the row of four strands of lit bulbs - made a sparking noise. In an instant, I heard the pop of a bulb explode! Gone was the illumination into the darkness. Only the trees remained aglow. I stood there for a moment, completely in awe.

Nodding my head, I thought of how this place we call earth, is not one of eternal belonging. While we hold such reverence for this world… the promise we need to hold onto, is of a future that is unseen, yet known.

by TL Alton

Tender Mercies

As I prepare to write my first post on my blog for 2020, I knew in my heart, it would be dedicated to my beloved daughter, Shayla Rae Dawn XO Her 30th Birthday would have been tomorrow. Taken suddenly back in 2011, also were removed the blessings of me ever becoming a grandmother. This week I immersed myself deep in prayer, thinking of Shayla and how my life forever changed- because her life ended. Yet what blessings I have received over the years, extraordinary moments, see God reach out from the heavens and surround me with His love. 

I used to call Shayla my snowflake because she was infatuated with drawing them, cutting endless ones out of paper and hanging them all over the house. When she was younger, Shayla would put them on the window at anytime of the year. It was if her heart knew of things to come. When she left this earthly world, it was to be surround by ice. This use to be such a source of brokenness, but oh how I know she left the void of the darkness into the heavenly realm. 

The other night, I discovered a new song…not just any melody, but one that has a mother’s shining love interwoven within each word. For “Fall On Me” is about rising from the depths of despair, to look up and see this life is not the end! As I watched and listened, tears began to flow…however, not of sorrow...but of remembrance. There is great comfort, knowing someday, I will see my daughter again.

I made a special request from those I know… in celebrating Shayla, I asked for people to be creative and spell her name for me, take a snapshot and share. Tomorrow to see her name in various ways, is to be reminded of the 21 birthdays she celebrated! These were the Best years of my life, God gifted her and me!! 

On February 24th, 1990, my child graced my open arms with her beautiful presence. Sitting here listening to this song, the ending is a poignant reminder that our bonds remain ~ 

Everlasting!

Christina Aguilera, A Great Big World - Fall On Me...   https://youtu.be/ALYfY3py8QU

by TL Alton 

A Day In My Shoes

It's been a minute since I called you

Just to hear the answerphone
Yeah, I know that you won't get this
But I'll leave a message so I'm not alone
This morning I woke up still dreaming
With memories playing through my head
You'll never know how much I miss you
The day that they took you, I wish it was me instead

But you once told me, "Don't give up! You can do it day by day"
And diamonds, they don't turn to dust or fade away

So I will keep you day and night, here until the day I die
I'll be living one life for the two of us
I will be the best of me, always keep you next to me
I'll be living one life for the two of us
Even when I'm on my own, I know I won't be alone
Tattooed on my heart are the words of your favourite song
I know you'll be looking down, swear I'm gonna make you proud
I'll be living one life for the two of us

I could feel your blood run through me
You're written in my DNA
Looking back in every mirror
I know you'll be waiting; I'll see you again…

So I will keep you day and night, here until the day I die
I'll be living one life for the two of us
I will be the best of me, always keep you next to me
I'll be living one life for the two of us
Even when I'm on my own, I know I won't be alone
Tattooed on my heart are the words of your favourite song
I know you'll be looking down, swear I'm gonna make you proud
I'll be living one life for the two of us

I promised you I'd do this
So all of this is all for you
Oh, I swear to God you're living
Through everything I'll ever do

So I will keep you day and night, here until the day I die
I'll be living one life for the two of us
I will be the best of me, always keep you next to me
I'll be living one life for the two of us
Even when I'm on my own, I know I won't be alone…
We'll end just like we started
Just you and me and no one else
I will hold you where my heart is
One life for the two of us…

Louis Tomlinson - Two of Us (Official Lyric Video)

https://youtu.be/jukhJtIhsik

Eights years ago, the only child I had, left this world.

Today, I spent my time honouring her 21 years of life, at various places in Kelowna, B.C.

Shayla with her giving, loving nature always had a heart for those in need. While in a local grocery store, her and I use to shop in, I picked up a beautiful bouquet of flowers. At the check out, I saw a poster about donating a bag of groceries for the local food bank and bought one in her memory.

Driving out to where her car crash occurred on December 12^th, 2011, there was reflecting on how that day changed my life forever. 

As I placed Gerbera daisies and tealights along the barricades, I noticed the amount of people still speeding along McKinley Road. As my tears fell upon the snow, I wondered if it made any difference of the ultimate sacrifice that road took in order to bring safety changes. After 11 vehicles had went by speeding, I stopped counting.

Walking along, up from the frozen waters of McKinley Reservoir, a vehicle stopped, and I recognized familiar faces. They offered condolences about the day and shared about Shayla. They wondered about a place in the area, where something was built to honour her, by someone who also loved my daughter. Each of us wondered if it remained. As we parted ways, I appreciated they had stopped to talk with me.

After, I drove along the very road my daughter last travelled all those years ago. I noticed a work truck with a crew, slowly driving behind me. When I pulled over at Shayler Road, they acknowledged me. I could sense they understood the need to both drive safely and respect a life that had been taken by the reservoir.

Carrying on, I drove several miles down the road. As my feet walked the path to Shayla’s memorial bench, the day was filled with a see saw of emotions. 

Taking a seat, I did several things that were between me and my babygirl in heaven. Before I left, I plugged in my music and listened to “Two of Us.” Soon the bench was covered in more of my sorrow.

Driving back into the city, I stopped at the Tree of Memories and placed several ornaments. This Christmas tree would be my only means of displaying them and I was grateful for the opportunity, to do so.

Unlike other blog posts, that are full of life sharing, I am being reserved and holding in all things that were sacred in taking part of.

Tomorrow, I awaken, with a stitched heart scarred by that day. However, when I look at myself in the mirror, I will see traces of my daughter, still within me.

Gone Too Soon ~ Scott Stapp

https://youtu.be/yEhCuWVxULY

by TL Alton