One of the songs that can sum it up well for me the impact of wounds is "Hurt" by Johnny Cash (Originally written by Trent Reznor from Nine Inch Nails).
Just one passage says so much...
Hurt by Johnny Cash Video Link: https://youtu.be/8AHCfZTRGiI
What have I become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end...
In dealing with our own hurt, each of us has been stung by various acts of misery.
Much like the mighty froth of sea foam, reclaiming the grains of sand from a treasured
beach...words are powerful. They can cause a miscarriage of emotions that spill forth a
division of time, where years pass with no forgiveness in sight.
Along the coastlines I have walked along- the pounding surf ebbs and flows with all the hurt given and received -tossed out to the tides.
Scattered along the surface, are the emotions I have let fly into the depths of the sea; interwoven with the countless release of pebbles- in her name.
Affixed to the tendrils of seaweed, are poetic words I've hurled... at the salty components of the often, unbalanced ocean.
A time is recalled, when my daughter’s ashes were infused with droplets of my tears and the waters of the North Pacific. As a component of immeasurable loss lingered, I found solace in nature's wrath; a way for me to release the heartache over the death of my child, which later would be fused with uncertain acceptance.
In my years of speaking with the remaining loved ones of diverse losses, the subject of death has been linked to various groups of individuals, including the elderly, those who died at their own hands and those who have been ripped away suddenly- in such a profound manner- some still felt their breathe lingering- long after.
No matter the fate of our existence, death is an inevitable process - one in which we cope with loss and the commitment of letting go, where often it does not follow a Hallmark pattern of breaking free.
I believe, that is why often, people are drawn to water. Coupled with healing, it is a source of life. We bath in it, some are baptized in it and the cool liquid, quenches the weary traveler, on their journey of fulfillment.
Through the healing aspect of water, the element has also been used also as a form of
punishment, during wartime and a misleading source, to those who sought comfort in it.
We've also felt the pelting cold shock of a shower and According to the researchers at Yale University, people who take a long-hot shower or bath, may do so to subconsciously ward off feelings of loneliness or social isolation.
A warm hug to those in desperate need of one; cascading water can replenish.
If in between life and death lays hurt... and water can be a release, then their needs to be an understanding of how hurt can equate the power of words. That when married with the poetic justice of truth, can hammer into a soul, the infinite possibilities of their meaning.
Fine poetry is the music of mathematics, numbers, singing.
You have to look behind the words to understand their meaning. - The Good Shepherd
In my recent reading, where I have stammered over the meaning of words, I have felt like a child- discovering a book for the first time.
My strokes have heightened passages I have read- much like a streetlight in the mist,
the sentences break through a pathway, and I have moments of clarity.
Then their are times, where I feel the pounding surf, thrash against my weakened frame. As the enemy wrap it's poisonous barbs around my tongue- my gift from the Lord is muted. The words within I am struggling to project- go silent while my problems with speech and understanding language are the norm. Like a thief in the night, the shadows steal words from me and I awaken in anxiety, night terrors and gasping for breathe- to pump air into the hole in my heart.
Yet, here I am - I still try, but in a different way. When there is transparency, I pray over those who wish me not to scuceed. I pray over those who have caused me hurt and most of all, I pray over my release of those I have caused hurt. I do those because the beautiful release in my tears, which comes from within my body frees you and I. Overtime, built up clump of suffering that is affixed to your wounded heart...sets you FREE.
Truth is, those who are still bent on hurting me....you are not going up against me...You are going up against GOD. For the Lord is the one, true source, I ask daily to fight my battles!
At the same time, I've learned the importance of giving God the control and turn to Him, to try
and make sense of a storyline, he gifted me long ago... to make good on a promise I have yet to fulfill.
In among my daily readings, there are also reminders of how God uses the power of words, to
not only transform lives...but to save them.
By the end of 1941,
Nazi's congratulated themselves on the efficiency of exterminating the lives of those they deemed the enemy.
One July night, one man- a prisoner escaped Auschwitz. That meant another man would have to take his place. The other prisoners, standing in line, gasped when their beloved Father Kolbe, the priest who shared his last crust, who comforted the dying, who heard their confessions and nourished their souls spoke softly and in calm words stated to those in command: "I would like to die in place of the men you have condemned."
His name was added to the ledger and he took the place of a previous selected man, who had earlier wept for his wife and children.
Because if you have Hurt, you have loved and if you have loved then you know sacrifice.
Those close to me know, on the day my daughter's life was taken, I would have gladly given my own.
Father Kolbe was not seeking gratitude. For if he was to truly lay down his life for another, the fulfillment had to be in the act of obedience itself. - Charles Colson
Later, I would go on to reading and understanding fully that at times, when we feel vilified by the world...we are to put our self-centered wishes behind and learn what Christ's wishes are for you.
To be clear, what Father Kolbe did was to lay down his life for his brothers.
To remind me that Jesus has gone before me and carried my pain.
In sharing my experiences of sudden losses of a loved one and the labels placed upon me,
there is also a responsibility to acknowledge, I have released suffering onto others.
Truth is...the thing about hurt... it is like a rippled shell buried under grains of sand- it can be a source of joyful discovery- or the origin of pain in the arch of your tender foot, when your bare skin finds it.
Hurt can expand into a place embedded in hate or flourish into healing roots growing down into HIM. I have been on both spectrums and the bitter root of my sorrow has been dug up and replanted, many times over.
However, their shininess was soon dulled by the beats of a heart, that fought for life itself.
Then there was a uprising from the depths of a reservoir, that sprung forth tendrils of healing.
In the confines of new shelter, hurt that was spread out over months, years and beyond, saw a baptism of sorts, where God reminded me of my purpose.
In my owning of hurt caused, I let go of hurt inflicted. That when I looked at certain friends and family once divided, there is a unity, forged in forgiveness.
So powerful was this; that those from beyond~ their tears all became a part of a brilliant, mosaic, heart.
When I have had the opportunity to do so.... I made the decision, to hand back the metal, to those who had pinned their own hurt -layered onto my fragile heart and instead seek God's grace in every mistake that I have made along the way.
TL Alton
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