God’s Will- New Lasting Memories

 

“It’s not about heart rate…. It’s about Heartbeat.”

The above quote is on my t-shirt, while I type this 😊. Sometimes I feel like a prayer warrior and other times, I overthink, partly due to my stroke and partly to do with my two disorders I have. Better still, some would simply chalk it up to my personality. 

If I ever imagined my 50^th birthday prior to this past month, I would have thought I’d be surrounded by Love…

Love of my dearest friends, love of my cherished daughter and the love of a better half that shared in our dreams together.

Yet several weeks prior, I was looking at no plans, no friends, no daughter and certainly no love in my life.

 In planning my next blog, I was certain I was not even going to celebrate the fifty years I’ve lived. The week of my turning fifty, also had me reflect on my faith journey. The one where I looked back upon my life; rooted in my beliefs and how I have endured, because of what God has brought me through!

Still, it is only human nature to miss what we have loved...  I was missing my angel- my babygirl, I was missing my friends who would not be able to attend my birthday due to our worldly events and the hugs and kisses I had been holding out hope for…all fell through the darkened clouds above me.

Yet, if anything that has been imprinted upon me...I am always in awe and wonder at how I am reminded by refocusing on others in need, it can make our hearts happy!

 It was then I began keeping notes on my surroundings.  On other stories of hope and kindness towards others. I gleaned the headlines- past the depressing news feed of chaos and turbulence of our times. When I dug deeper, it was then I began to see others who were rising above the anarchy and holding onto hope. 

When I allowed my fragile heart to challenge myself; I began to be open to receiving instead of giving.

 Prior to the day of my celebration, I was amazed by the love I was blessed with the wonderful TEAM in my community! If ever there were a group of compassionate hearts; this was it! Each woman working here has virtues that all have touched my heart dearly! 

The ladies made me feel welcome from the very beginning. When one discovered I was short on clothes (as the rest are in my storage), she gifted me had two large bags of her own former clothes.

When she saw I was interested in some-things connected to my daughter, upon my leaving, they were hand wrapped in tissue in a bag and gifted to me. The teacup was reminiscent of the 21 Painted Lady butterflies released in my daughter's memory. 

The three, smooth, painted pebbles each were connected to three, exceptional, young, people.

Always scatter kindness, Best friend 

This amazing person, was not done in her offering of encouragement. Upon hearing my stuff and my late daughter Shayla’s things were still in storage, this beautiful compassionate angel uplifted me, with her words of help. 

 On my 50^th Birthday there were balloons, fabulous food, laughter, and me sharing stories about my babygirl! Everything I imagined happened…just in a smaller version of what I had anticipated.

Brilliant handmade card from J

When two vibrant woman came into my life, they blessed me with their caring, wonderful souls!

 Each listened to chapters of my life that once tinged with heartache – now were released among those without judgement. What use to be an ocean of sorrows, I felt the warmth of friendship join others, with their voices of support. 

Back at the Pharmasave, I was gifted two bags brimming with kindness by the feisty caring angel, who always has wonderful wisdom to impart. Her simple “rules’ of being Thankful always, Be happy and respect one another, is another shining example of a woman whose helping heart is there for her community.

A bountiful of kindness....
 wrapped in butterflies from
my Angel of Beauty. 

 

While my own friends, who could not attend any celebration knew others were made aware of the happy memories made, I know it brought them joy to know that I was not forgotten about.  

 Yet from the day I awoke with a lovely card from Terry and others who chose their own way of blessing me with various generous gifts, I saw the multitude of angels- I call friends... blossom!  

At one point during my birthday week, I had ventured out to a special area; to a revered place that holds treasured memories where Shayla and I had strolled along the vast coastline.

 I was there for several reasons. One was to do a release for three young souls who all passed in their early twenties, of various circumstances. Included with Shayla’s pebble, was my nephew Matt and my best friends daughter, Lindsay. As I held onto those pebbles, I thought of all the love they encompass. The hearts they had touched and those who were left behind to mourn their departure. 

It then occurred to me as I gazed upwards, the love I was hoping for, I was holding in my hand. I had underestimated the power of their love combined~ was now contained in the heavens above me!

During my time at this precious spot…I was able to speak (at a social distance, with mask on) to a Parks worker. I shared why I was there and what the area meant to me. I don’t know, if this person understood, what it meant for me to share a part of my hardest chapter and hold back the emotions- I felt in doing so. Their kindness was a gift shown in hearing about my daughter and all that was done in her memory (in the area). I also was able to connect about my own Parks experiences; having worked up north. This person gave up their lunch to listen to a mother missing her child. This gift is something that added to the days release!

Afterwards, I perched myself upon a majestic piece of driftwood that the ocean’s salt had smoothed. I had brought with me two, clear snowflake ornaments and a heart shaped leaf, with a ladybug on it. Gently, I hung ( only temporary) each one from a piece of the uprooted log, while I sat there. Each ornament was for the three, departed, love ones. As they caught on glints of the suns rays, peeking through the ripples of clouds, I took a moment to honour the lives that mattered. 

In my quiet, I looked up a spectacular skyline filled with the silhouettes of loved ones. This awakened my heartbeat to increase as a thought came to mind…

 In a time when the corners of our world have lost their smiles, I am choosing to believe in the hope of our future, can still be filled with beauty.

 Angel By Your Side | Francesca Battistelli

Video Link>>>

https://youtu.be/vvDBjNG_pws

 On my birthday, I also received the best news. A dear friend and his wife are expecting! If ever a married couple deserved to be parents together…they do!  

For me…this was the greatest gift to receive! The gift of knowing life created will bring so much love and joy!

 I thought how I had once envisioned my 50th birthday and the experience of how it turned out- of course Shayla would have be that big ol’ cherry on top, yet I know angels do exist! They come in the form of those who offer gifts of time, friendship, and love- the ones that cannot be bought and sold!

 So, I dedicate my birthday blog back to all of those who are struggling financially, to those who are dreaming of better tomorrows and to those who are challenged with health issues…this song is for all of you, who more than fill the hole in my heart!!

Martina McBride ~ God’s Will

Part of the lyrics…

I've been searching, wondering, thinking Lost and looking all my life…

 I've been wounded, jaded, loved, and hated I've wrestled wrong and right…

He was a boy without a father and his mother's miracle…

 I've been reading, writing, praying…

 Fighting- I guess I would be still

 Yeah, that was until I knew God's Will…

 Video Link >>> (touching video)! by Martina McBride 

https://youtu.be/YCRrrP0EhPc

 

By Tonya TL Alton