After ~ Repurpose Part 2 * Trigger Warnings

 

People Forget. After awhile, their struggles may fall by the wayside and a level of comfort sets in.  ~ Our Daily Bread

What happens when those cherished moments of life, overcoming, healing and hope become the building blocks that are needed to prevent us from making the same mistake repeatedly?

 Where more lessons are needed to be learned, as the past gets shrugged off and turned into a ‘Oh never again’ passage of false security.

What if the darkness that threatens to consume is shattered by the love of serving others?...

Repurposing is the process by which an object with one use, is transformed as an object with an alternative use of value. 

Reaching into the back of my vehicle, I pulled something out…knowing this would be a turning point for me.

It was a plaque that I carried with me, tucked inside my Bible. The words fading, it was a reminder of who is in control. Unzipping the case, I opened the pages of scripture. I saw my handwritten scribble on pieces of many post notes fall out…

Remember how the Lord your God led you all the way. ~ Deuteronomy 8:2

People forget…

These words are now replayed in my stroke mind and written down on various pieces of paper; as my memory has only a short turn around.

A dear friend, Judy, gifted me a bag full of goodies. She bought me a unique note pad that I tear off at least 25 pages a day; all around the plaque that reminds me of who leads the way. Inside the bag, was a box that held a set of beautiful butterfly earrings. This a connection to our daughters who have passed and the unity of Transformation. 

Upon receiving the items, I remember several years earlier, when I was at the home of another sister in Christ. Being my first time of experiencing displacement …Terry had taken it upon herself to share with her close friends of my predicament. She then invited me over and I was blessed to spend an afternoon, being the receiver instead of the giver.

I have not forgot my emotions, my gratitude, my release of joy. These are long lasting memories that hold joy.

Yet now in my car, the enemy was thrusting upon me his many lies. I reached into the side pocket of my Bible cover to discover a Tim Horton’s card from my dear friend Cindy. During this time of upheaval, she had sent me many gift cards from Tim Hortons and also McDonalds. Those cards helped feed me many times and were also shared with those in need. My blessings, were furthered by the purchases of donuts and hot beverages for others. 

I knew exactly what God wanted me to do and that was to disperse from the area wreaking havoc on my emotions …and to leave immediately!

I looked down upon my gas gauge on E. I was prompted to go check my bank account that spends more time idling in the negative. It warmed my heart to see two friends had put a deposit to fill up my tank.

They did not forget…

After refueling, I drove to my favourite Tim Horton’s where the staff and most patrons knew me. Reaching in the back of my vehicle, I grabbed the full bag of knitted winter goods, made with love from my friend Dela.

Dela's yard of knitted comforts

Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace. 1 Peter 4:10

As I stood beside my car, I asked God… “Show me the way to who is in need tonight.”

It was then I spotted ‘her.’ From afar, I could see she was less dressed on a bitterly cold night. She had jet black hair and a cast on her leg.

*(Some Details have been changed to protect the true identity of this person).

As I approached, I noticed several vehicles and scanned to ensure this woman’s procurer was nowhere near. I have encountered my fair share of handlers- who saw me as an interrupter of their business. They were less than impressed when I offered to buy their girl’s a coffee or donut and linger to have a chat.

Tonight, I needed a distraction or even more so a connection.  I was happy to engage in conversation with *Gigi. When I opened my bag of scarves, toques and such hand knitted by Dela, I could see Gigi’s eyes light up. She grabbed out a pink scarf and hesitated to retrieve anything else. I encouraged her to look some more and there she discovered a toque with colours to match her beautiful soul. Vibrant she was and I commented on her curly hair.

Her eyes looked downcast as she leaned into me, she murmured, “It’s a wig.”

I looked surprized and replied, “Oh my! I never would have known.”

When she leaned towards me again, I was not prepared for her next reply, “ One night, I came back with less amount of money my man thought I should have earned, and he lit my real hair on fire!”

It was now my turn for the whites of my eyes to show the shock on my face. My lip began to tremble, and I remembered another ‘lady of the night’ share that when I was helping them…never show pity! It was already difficult for them.

She added, “That’s nothing sweetie” …as she pointed to her leg in a cast that had been butchered by something.

“…I broke my leg awhile back and Oh boy, He would beat me every time I came back short. No one wants to be with someone who can’t deliver the full goods! So, I went and bought a small saw and tried hacking the cast off myself! I broke the dang saw and gave up.”

I stood there stunned. Burning up with anger- at how one human being feels entitlement over another- as a commodity of goods to be bought, sold, traded, and mistreated.

LINK:  Lacey's Hope Project

I tried hard to collect myself.  Looking at Gigi, I showed her my Tim Horton’s card,

“ A dear friend gifts these to me. I wondered if I can get you anything?”

She smiled and with a wink, simply asked for a coffee and  a donut.

As I entered inside, my mind fumbled around the words I had read in Our Daily Bread:

“Father, forgive me for the times when temptation has won in my life. Help me always to run to you for forgiveness and to seek forgiveness of others when needed.”

Standing in the long line, I realized I have been Gigi in my life, taking part in nights, where the enemy was deemed master over me.

Quickly though, my emotions switched to anger, as I felt my stroke brain cluttering up my thoughts. It can happen so fast- a reversal in my memory loop that can take me to dark places.

Abruptly I recalled with despair the past year and how I had left the highway to get away from the negative, obsessive thoughts of my PTSD only to mull over: 

“Lord, in 2020, I remained single, did not date or be with anyone!  So why God did you bring me here tonight?”

I felt the response settle upon me…

“Because, the enemy knows you are fighting against him and so he tried to lure you down a different road that surely would have cost you your life tonight. I brought you a distraction...one in which you could relate to.”

My stomach began to twist, as often I can miss the point; made worse by my strokes. Now I understood the purpose of meeting Gigi. I needed to be open to the many prayers I had said, to the highlighted scripture in my Bible and to seeing God in front of me...instead of always looking behind me. To realize the many times the Lord has walked me out of the darkness...if only I could see through the covered lens in front of me.

Returning outside, I gave Gigi the hot beverage and sprinkled donut. Looking at her thin, barely there jacket, I shared I would be right back and began to wander around the vehicles. I held in my hands the bag of goodies; I was about to use for barter. Keeping my distance, I had one kind customer, waiting in her truck. She took a scarf and a toque, in exchange for a woman’s jacket, she had in her back seat.

I walked up to Gigi and offered it to her. Handing over her coffee, she tried it on, and it was a nice snug, yet warm fit.

Gigi looked at me, as if I had given her the world. Tears began to pool and as we stood woman to woman, I looked deep into the recesses of her eyes.

I saw her anguish and understood what it feels like to be invisible in society. I know the importance of acknowledging someone exists. 

Even through my mask, I smiled and exclaimed:  I SEE YOU GIGI!

She nodded her head and thanked me with such profound conviction, I felt it!

Suddenly, Galatians 5:13 popped into my thoughts: Serve one another humbly in love.

Had my plans gone beyond counting steps to the highway, Gigi's life would not have intersected with mine. I would have sacrificed more than my life, but the ends to Eternity, Jesus and seeing my loved ones, including my beloved babygirl.  

Soon after I left, it did not bother me to be returning to my cold compartment. 

No, what mattered was that despite everything I had endured throughout the year, the purpose of my being, was to continue to serve and let go of any resentment I had- over all that had transpired this past, unforgettable year of 2020. 

This didn’t mean in exchange,  I was free of conflict. In fact, while I await surgery, I needed to refile my taxes and found out, I now owe money I do not have. Yet again, I know I am not alone in this predicament.

This also means that while Covid-19 has taken precedence over all other matters, I have been deeply blessed to have survived the pandemic- all the while being thrust out into it. 

As I wind up another year and move onward, there is reflection on where I was a year ago…much like countless others- I was financially stable and much healthier. 

Yet I can feel the assurance of the following mashed-up lyrics applying to me:

Where I see unworthy, you see ‘Savable,’

Where I see condemned, you see ‘Whole,’

Where I see derelict, you see ‘Salvageable.’

Let Faith Rise up…

Oh, heart believe

~Lauren Daigle

I drove back to my ‘spot’ at the Elk Lake Park location and gave Thanks to the Lord, for my car was more than a motor vehicle…it was an instrument of learning further about who I am, embracing the lessons God provided and shelter from the darkest storms.

By TL Alton

… Although my heart is torn…. I Will Praise YOU in the storm ~ Natalie Grant

Praise you in this Storm  ( Link to Watch Powerful Video)

 Original Casting Crowns song Dedicated to Emily