See you Under the Sitka…

 

When you enter the world of serious writing, you leave behind your social life. The closest you’ll get to interacting with the outside world is if you pack up your laptop and head to a nearby coffee shop. At least there you can look like you’re social, even if you’re in the corner, in the back… with headphones on. ~ NY Book Editors

In the summer of 2021, my novel, “Under the Sitka Tree,” was printed. Several months later, as the fallen leaves bathed the earth with nature’s honey, crimson, and lime hues…my novel is now in its third edition and ready to print for the holidays.

 This week, after pouring over every page and going back and forth with my formatter, Leon Oldale @ Still Creek Press… I understood how vulnerable this process is. Now complete are the ‘tweaks’ needed for the Third Edition of ,”Under the Sitka Tree.” While the storyline remains the very same… Leon’s keen eye for details that matter, have made all the difference to my novel! His dedication to the written word has provided “Sitka” with the platform of revelation she truly deserves!

As Adele has re-emerged from the waters, she spent her hands washing in…I have re-surfaced with a hunger for the written word.

 If I go back to myself as a woman, writing by the river, surrounded by a grove of Sitka’s…I can hear the characters shout out my name- wanting to be released from the pages-where I bore them.

 In my twenty -five years as a dedicated writer, I have learned a great deal about the craft of writing. I have understood the passion needed to enrich the novelist’s quest and the realization of fulfillment for one’s story; is to allow the skills of others… inside your writer’s soul.

“ As a writer, I needed to learn that this often difficult, ever so rewarding process, was not mine alone to claim. For if I am to be true to my story, I must acknowledge the caverns I have explored, the humbleness I have found and the truth is…without a skilled editor, without the brilliance of a formatter and the bindings of your book in print…then your story is merely words on a page…yearning to be discovered.” ~ TL Alton

The fire that is inside my writer’s spirit still burns strong within, for every day I have this need to supply the fever with an array of words, passages, and stories so as to quench the epitome of what a ‘starving writer’ truly is.

 As a writer, I have been blessed with a fireball of talented editors, formatters and a printing company that understood my vision. In between the layered pages of my book that is bound, contains the finished version that I am greatly satisfied with!

In spite of my perfectionism, I now understand the importance of ‘letting go' of all things- especially ones that needed to be fully completed... 

Every customer, who either bought my book or someone whose been gifted a copy of my novel, has returned to me amazing feedback; kind responses that have truly warmed my heart. 

There are those who have also provided helpful insight and shared things that are reflective of the light.

I am always humbled by the responses of others, as it means they took the time to share their reaction to something I have written.

While writing “Sitka”, I also immersed myself in the remarkable pairings of Lawrence and Karen Hill exploring mental wellness in Café Babanussa, the rawness of Alzheimer’s and beauty of everlasting love of The Notebook,  and the exploration of grief intertwined with hypersexuality in Cheryl Strayed's WILD.

I grew as a writer, with every word of these brilliant authors, coupled with my own immeasurable loss.

There was also a void in me, a hole so dark and toxic that pulled from a thread of shame, which saw my dignity unravel. A need to be loved at all costs that I was willing to risk every part of me… to return to dust.

Then one night, a spark pierced through the darkness, lighting up the shadows and helping me to see, the source of my murky ways - is connected to the past.

The light that shone in my place of solitude came to say she knew…how badly I wanted to show her the promise had been fulfilled in its dazzling form…within the bindings of my book.

 That night, I wasn’t simply a writer…I was a bereaved mother, who had to sit with my own words wrapped around me, in order to truly honour a promise made to my daughter.

 In return, I could feel her gentle hands upon mine let go, as she said…

 “See you under the Sitka momma…”

Author TL Alton and her daughter Shayla (who passed away at 21). 

Birdy - Wings (Official Video)

https://youtu.be/WJTXDCh2YiA

Just like any other type of art, writing is pain and pleasure at the same time. There’s a lot of sacrifice when it comes to writing, but it’s all more than worth it at the end. ~ NY Book Editors

 By

TL Alton

Thanks to be Given

 

"Be glad for this moment~ for this moment is your life" 

Recently, I watched the film, ‘Silver Linings Playbook.’ While I have seen it a dozen times before, when I viewed it in the enclosed darkness of my room, for the first time… I noticed more important things.

This film of brilliance, poignant moments and utter chaos, echoes within the realm of my Bipolar and PTSD. The quotes from the movie are a plenty and capture the reality of the disorders that it focusses on. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder and Bipolar, all have a front seat to a dysfunctional family that thrives on chaos.

At one point, the character Tiffany shares with Pat about her sordid past and how she likes all parts of herself. Most of all, she can forgive and questions him on his ability to do the same.

I found myself pausing, to reflect on this and its solid truth.

I also have to own that at 1:54 am in the morning, I thought it was a great idea to share a quote from the movie (via email) to a close friend of mine.

Upon waking this morning, I sent a humble note of apology. They kindly wrote back that they understood, as they are seeing a pattern within me that is often random.

Many of you who are reading this, have also received a casual text from me because at 3am, I believe you should know the brilliance of Pinterest…at any hour! lol 😊

This said, over twenty years on my medications, my Bipolar still likes to remind me of my ‘mental imperfection.’

Watching the film, I am prompted to think about my own peppered past. One that has components of things connected to yearning and desire- yet if removed- these two things that lay within, would see the passion exit.

I believe, my messy parts are someone else’s salvation- a place of familiarity and of hope.

As we draw nearer to the Thanksgiving holiday, I have been absorbing the life lessons of 2020.  

I took out a piece of paper and began to write down things that often we take for granted:

Shelter/Home: This time, last year, I was spending my Thanksgiving- alone in my car. At nighttime, when I parked along the highway, the glaring headlights were other souls reminding me of their existence- as each of them were simply passing through.

The blessings of a meal: Over the 7 months of living in/out of my car, often I had only one meal or would need to skip breakfast, lunch or dinner. When I checked my mailbox and saw there was an assortment of gift cards ( so generously given and sent over many months by the Bruton family), I was overfilled with joy!

For I knew, my extended street family and I would be sharing in a meal from Tim Hortons or McDonalds. Never could I walk past Gigi, Truscott, Michael and Tom with food for myself, while they themselves had gone without! I had a general rule that whatever I bought for my meal, I would buy extra for them. For there was no way I could ignore their hunger- in order to satisfy mine!

Shower and toiletries: Having been raised by someone who excels at cleanliness, I enjoy a long, hot shower and the smell of Zest soap on my skin.

Being a novice at the whole living without luxuries, I made an inquiry as to how my friends kept themselves clean? Given the one lake I was parked at had a toxic sign posted- warning swimmers not to partake in the waters, I also respect nature. Washing up with soap and toiletries in any source of water, kills off marine life.

Having worked up north, as Provincial Park Operator, I was elated when my boss Branden, constructed an outdoor shower, completed with a clear canopy that saw one look up into the majestic trees, blue skies and puffs of clouds. I use to love showering in this wonder of creation and occasionally was visited by a squirrel or bird.

Now back at Tim’s, one of the men, sitting in our gathering, shared how the lot of them would go into a washroom and have a ‘toilet bath.’ They used the water as a small basin to clean up in. I was aghast and Tom could see that from the look on my face! He chuckled and remarked, “Why do you think we smell the way we do?”

The next day, with my laptop in tow, I was determined to find a better way to maintain my cleanliness. My research led me to the Community Rec Center, who offered everyday, FREE showers to those in need. I am reminded of their friendly smiles welcoming me in, every time I came to get clean. The feeling of the hot water pounding against my weary soul and dry, weathered skin, felt like a day at the spa!

Returning to my group, I handed out coffees and shared about the local amenities being offered for free. They thanked me, but Michael shook his head and shared his honesty, “Listen that’s all great and dandy, but we are all downtown and the Rec Centre is clear across town- on the outskirts! Some of us have curfews at the Shelter or times we need to check in, plus several of us here have disorders that make taking a bus- a high anxiety situation.”

I looked over at my micra car and wondered how many of them could I possibly fit in and shuttle? It was then as if Tom read my mind and said, “Tonya, you cannot save the world…you need to remember to have self-care for you.”

From there on, I struggled to get into a hot shower and linger under the pulsating water, while others were going without.

Even now, within my beautiful suite, I think of those who are pouring the contaminated water from a toilet, onto their bodies.

The last thing that changed my life forever, was the ability to sleep- to have a deep slumber – one where you could stretch out, rest and fall asleep. The first night in my new, furnished place, I did a starfish onto the massive, soft King mattress and wept all over it! It was a lot to take in and I found myself opening my fridge, to see food in it…all of the new beginnings were overwhelming, and I still find myself thinking I don’t deserve all of this, when so many others are suffering!

Last year, in being displaced, my heart had always been on edge, on guard and I was sleep deprived. I recall one time when I found an underground parking lot, shut off the car, stuffed my keys in my purse and I passed out- sleeping upright. A Security guard woke me up- 3 hours later. He seemed rather timid and when he explained that he thought I was dead, I understood his apprehension.

This summer, also saw blessings with me having surgery on my heart… I am deeply grateful to have a new lease on life!

All of these heartfelt things I’ve shared, is because those truly homeless have taught me so much! Their misgivings were my blessings, for I realized many things I had taken for granted or misunderstood myself.

While this Thanksgiving, I will be alone and I miss my ‘Island family,’ my thoughts will be with the roots of my own blood family, I have reconnected with! It was time for me to come out of the shadows and remind myself what I am now living for…the love and light of those who have brightened my life, shared in their compassionate hearts and reminded me there is indeed, Thanks to be given!

 

By TL Alton