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| Ogden Point, Victoria, BC |
Our
scars are unique to us; they lead you to people they are meant to find.
Leaning
onto the railing of Ogden Point, my senses are inundated with vivid hues,
brackish surf and the frondescence of autumn.
The perfect balance of nature whispers its brilliance, as the sun sets
over the ocean. In the distance, a lone figure approaches me. Over the next hour,
I am immersed in conversation with another seeker of life. At one point we
stand in silence, as the landscape is turned into a palette of featured rich colours,
which require our attention.
Later,
driving away, I am mulling over the word anchor and the playfulness of it that
can have opposite meanings. Either it can convey being weighed down or how
someone can become emotionally attached in your life.
To
let yourself be affixed to another, is to place your heart in a risky situation.
When letting someone into your personal space, you open yourself up to being
rejected. In offering love, the saying goes… the more you give, the more you
risk losing.
What
about the anchors, once fastening us to someone that become abruptly ripped
away? Do we learn to accept, adapt and merge into the new form of who we are,
or do we let ourselves fade away, along with our tears?
There
are people, who behind their beautiful silhouettes, are stitched together
souls.
Christian
artist Mandisa found herself being tired of trying to remain strong, after the
loss of her friend, Lakisha Mitchell, who died of breast cancer. The Overcomer
singer made the choice to slip away into the shadows. Mandisa ignored God, as
she struggled to understand how Lakisha could have been taken, one year after
giving birth to her second child. She quit attending church and her Bible
remained unopened. It was the crippling depression that removed Mandisa from the
music industry. Along with it, came back the 120 pounds she worked hard to lose.
Spiralling down, was a despair that left her feeling hopeless.
When
I selected Mandisa’s latest CD, Out of the Dark, I could not imagine the honesty
of her words that bore straight into me. On the back cover of the inside
pamphlet are the following comments from the singer:
“Shame
and insecurity weighed me down, and suicidal thoughts tried to overtake me in
that dark pit. Thankfully, it only takes a flicker of light to dispel the
darkness…Today, I don’t have all the answers…but I am learning to trust in who
God is, more than my need to understand everything. He can work through all
things, including the things the enemy intends for harm, He uses for good.”
Now,
as I play Mandisa’s song list, it is something I can relate too. This
disclosure of hers, prompted me to research Christian artists, who because of tragedy
became stronger in their faith.
In
writing my post, I would also discover, how my life would be intertwined with
strangers; each who have their own voice of truth.
At
the beginning of November, I attended the concert For King & Country. It
was an event full of energy, a multitude of instruments played, and a set list
fueled by worship.
Previously, I gifted the extra ticket to a stranger, who I
found was celebrating her birthday on the night of November 2nd. I
would later hear from Danielle at the concert. She was with her friend, who had
bought a ticket. I received the following message:
“Thank
you so much! It would not have been possible without your generous gift!
It
has been so amazing!”
I
smiled and looking up, whispered my gratitude again, thanking God the person I once
dated, had let me go. For there has only been an abundance of blessings come
from it.
Inside
the concert, I sang along with those attending, a sold-out show. One of the
songs that resonates with me is Priceless, as it is connected to a movie of the
same name. Joel Smallbone (part of the band duo) is in the film about sexual
trafficking. The story-line gives a voice to take a stand against exploitation
of those most vulnerable.
There
is a Priceless necklace that I bought which says: “SHE’S
WORTH FIGHTING FOR.”
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| Where my Priceless necklace rests before wearing it |
It
prompted me to think of the damage that can be done, to control someone, when words are used as weapons. This is a quote on the wall of where I was staying.
During
the band’s performances, Luke Smallbone walked out on the stage and spoke of a
former health crisis, Ulcerative Colitis, which saw him almost lose his life. Him
and his wife, Courtney, also experienced the trauma of their 2- month- old son,
Leo, nearly dying from Sudden Death Syndrome. Adding to their trials, was
Luke’s wife Courtney who had survived Lemierre’s Syndrome when she was 18. Years
later, when she was 7 months pregnant with their second child, Courtney became addicted
to anti-nausea medication. Her anxiety was coupled with PTSD and she was
overwhelmed with guilt and fear, given who her husband is, in the Christian
music industry.
Listening
to Luke speak, you could see the emotions he was overcome with. He shared how
he left a show in Texas, to come back home to be with his wife, who had called frantic
and asked him to come home right away. After checking his wife into a mental
health facility as an outpatient for therapy, the Smallbone family united. When
they were at their most vulnerable, they turned to their faith and trusted in
God to see them through every set of painful circumstances. Courtney shared how
her shame became unravelled. For King and Country’s album called “Burn the
Ships.” It is about these life altering experiences and how in life we cannot
go back, so we need to burn the ships, which link us to our past.
Before
I left for this memorable night, I found myself at Island Regional Park, to
watch the sunrise at 7 am.
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| Island View Regional Park |
Sitting on my driftwood bench crafted by nature, I
noticed a woman and her son scouring the beach. I wondered if they had lost something.
Turned out, they were looking for painted rocks, with various designs that has
become a popular trend. The concept is to paint rocks and hide them for others
to find. As families go rock-hounding, it is bringing people together and
outside where the real beauty is. The mom soon introduced herself as Tina and
her son, Benjamin. He had found a lovely, colourful stone. In my coffee mug, I
also had a pebble I had been hanging onto for 10 years. I discovered it at
Boundary Bay, as I walked the shoreline with someone. I asked Benjamin if he
would like it and his eyes lit up when he read the date on it.
Life
is like that…when something is meant to be released, it will find a way.
Soon
after, as the crimson glow of the sunrise was beginning to form, I noticed a
lady with a professional camera, capturing the moment. There was a stillness to
her, with a peace that drew me in. When I introduced myself, our conversation
flowed easily. I discovered Cindy’s business is called Sea Salt Photography. We
talked about our passions and then she divulged about her surviving cancer. I
was moved by what Cindy spoke of with me. As the waves rushed upon the pebbled
beach, I could tell there was more to her story, beyond the lens.
When
I went back home to my researching, I read of other musicians’ journey with
grief. Steven Curtis Chapman and his wife Beth lost their 5-year-old daughter
Maria Sue. She was tragically killed, when her brother driving the family’s SUV,
accidentally ran over her. As they gathered in love and hope, instead of blame
and anger, a place was created in Maria’s memory:
“Maria’s
Big House of Hope was named in honor of Maria Sue Chapman, the daughter of Show
Hope founders, Mary Beth and Steven Curtis Chapman. Six years after Maria’s
death, her legacy continues to transform the lives of orphans with special
needs. The sights and sounds of laughing children that echo throughout the
hallways of Maria’s Big House of Hope, are very much a glimpse of God’s
redemption…of his bringing beauty from ashes.”
Another
story of resilience is Jason Weaver, lead singer for the band, Big Daddy Weave.
Jason who has diabetes, became ill with an infection, which severely weakened
his body's immune system. This prevented his body’s ability to stave off the infection
and resulted in the amputation of both of his feet. In
August of 2016, Jason appeared with his band on stage, at Christian Music
Broadcasters Momentum Conference. Big Daddy Weave received the "Rich
Mullins Impact Award."
We
Are Messengers have retold their brush with death, many times. The tour bus
they were travelling on, crashed into a vehicle parked on a dark road, with no lights
on. Sadly, the person was killed instantly. Band members were still inside
their tour bus when it caught on fire. Suddenly, the bus door flew open on its
own, as the flames erupted. They all should have perished yet continue to give accounts
of their survival.
Time
and time again, in my continued research, I read of how Christian singers and
their band members endured loss, addictions, abuse and painful encounters. Each
one of them, have turned their life lessons, into testimony.
I
thought of my own experiences, whereas a result of choices made, I have become
stronger. Yet, I do not forget the times where instead of walking in the light,
I have demanded in the dark…where I have held myself captive in places, I had
no right to go.
Being
a Christian, does not entitle me to a pass. If anything, I am sought after that
much more by the darkness and everyday, I must keep the light in my lantern ablaze.
“Are
there ships you need to burn in your life? What from your past has kept you
silent and held you back from freedom?”
by
TL Alton
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